Well, a lot has changed since I was last here. I had a WHOLE NEW BABY. A girl, actually. LiLi is the light of my life along with her big brother. He is so fucking fantastic with her I can’t even describe it. I was so very worried about everything and him trying to hurt her or something, but he is such a good big brother. I am so grateful surprised and impressed. He is amazing.
His speech has improved so much. I actually had to quit my regular job to focus on therapy and school for Joe. Which means I have a LOT less income coming in man. I am so very tired of being broke and poor and trying to make ends meet.
This has been a big struggle in my adult life. Since I had so little when I was young, I always equated success or stability with having a steady job. Always having money, even if its paycheck to paycheck. I am seriously in the grips of a fierce depression at the moment because of this lack of income. Even though I have two part-time jobs, it’s just not enough. We have barely been making it work, and the husband is struggling with his new role as the provider without my backup.
I can’t even fathom my life now. It’s so damn hard to figure shit out. I feel so alone with it. I keep trying to talk to the husband about it but it doesn’t always go well. He’s trying to be supportive but I have ALWAYS been the rock, the one to keep us going, and now that I am lost.....hes losing his shit.
Anyway, besides the job front, all is pretty well. I finally told Amber where to shove it and she’s not really in my life anymore. Which makes me happy.
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