Trapped in a space opera in Sometimes I feel dead inside

can’t help but laugh at stereotypical place I find myself in coupled with the generous apathetic detachment of an outsider looking in that is the whatever that is. the incredibly cliche of into a girl who isn’t into me, but is stringing me along. hounded by another girl I maybe stringing along I’m not interested in at all, but for some reason I keep talking to her. Though I continue to rebuff her advances. I’m aware what is happening, I’m not super emotionally involved that I find myself pine away or making rash decisions. Both girls could drop out of my life forever and it wouldn’t be life altering, romance isn’t that important to me. sex is just a night out or a text away with whomever answers, but not that important as long as I’m not losing my mind because of withdrawal. I have my projects that I’d rather spend time on. They bring much more excitement to my life anyhow. Though I’ve found myself slowly disengaging from humanity, I’d be fine with not interacting with people at all. Due to the nature of my job I can’t completely. its not a purposeful divorce, I’ve just been drifting away. My focus on what I actually want to do is causing me to miss things. From an analytical view theres nothing wrong with that, in order to get what one wants they have to give up time somewhere. i have priorities and staying involved with everyone as frequently isn’t one of them. Working on my projects is more important. I don’t even care if it makes money, I enjoy doing it, and I’ve started focusing on how to become financially set so I can just do that. i wonder if this is how others felt before disappearing into an important project. Maybe this is why celebrities are so aloof to everything, they focus on their projects and lose connections to the world because thats what it takes to do them. that plus the horrible mess that is political discussion on my various feeds make me want to leave the planet and never comeback or at least disappear into the woods never to be seen again. It could be I’m trying to justify how I’ve become such a terrible friend in the last year or so. that and some combination of seeing a former crush go from someone who was endearingly naive to jaded and working people like a pro. That wasn’t heartbreaking, it was disappointing, just knowing you can’t go back. like that place you loved when you were younger that isn’t around anymore. You miss it, but you remember it with fondness, she will be the same way. but all crazy plans that never really existed of running away with her are to be packed away. Part of it is she became an idea and stopped being the person. The idea has to leave with those silly childish plans and say goodbye to it. Sure theres a slight hint of sadness, but thats ok, its time to move on anyhow. Theres still the project. besides I haven’t been that invested in her life anyways, she left that person behind and became someone else. I have as well, its not like I’m lonely. It was more about a fulfillment that I thought could be provided by companionship. Could chemical reaction that is equal to various substances really be a direction that needs to move galvanize a life direction? I don’t let all these random thoughts cause me to make an irrational decision, though I will make an irrational decision if I think the adventure it will be something new. The duality isn’t lost on me.