pinpoint trigger in 2018

4:39pm

I have an entry half-way started/finished detailing the events of the other day, but I think I’ll leave that alone and talk about other things today.

My follow up at the doc was this morning. It was mostly for a check on my BP which of course was high when they first checked. 153/88. Then they had me sit in the room for about 10 minutes and came back to check again. 130/90. I’ll take it. The doc said she was ok with where it was at. The initial reason she put me on meds was because the lower number was super high. Now that one is mostly stable and the top is high. She wants to see me in four months and we’ll go from there.

The nurse told her I was in pain [saw me limping] so I admitted I was back to where we’d started a month ago. She’s decided to put me on another course of steroids to stabilize me and see how it goes. She said I can text/call her if it goes back to where we’re at after we finish or doesn’t improve and we might consider keeping me on a really low dose until I can find a way to manage. I’d prefer not to do anything like that. I feel like I’m going to pay for all these meds running through my system when I’m older. She also prescribed a new nsaid type medication but I’m debating on whether or not I’ll take it. It was one of those “as needed” type of deals and it’s for a combo of pain/inflammation. If I can manage with just the steroids I think that’s what I’m going to do. I want to put as little as possible into my body. Especially because of the possibility of ulcers/bleeding and interactions with high BP.

The reality is that I need to find a long term solution and/or figure out what my trigger is. There has to be something going on inside of my body that makes it worse. I’ve never gotten back to 100% but I’ve been in relatively good condition over the last few years. I mean, at least I was capable of walking.

One of our clients today is a doctor and when I walked in this morning after I got back from my appointment he’d seen me limping and asked what was happening. I didn’t say much but he was interested so I gave more details. He suggested I try a gluten-free diet, of course, but I did a whole 30 a few years ago and I felt worse so IDK. I’ve never done strictly gluten-free. I’m too damn attached to eating tortillas in the morning. =\ He also recommended that I start a log book and write down every single thing that happens. What I eat, drink, did during the day including monthly cycle for hormonal changes. It’s a pretty good idea. I don’t know if I can be that damn dedicated to something but it might be worth a try. I definitely believe that there has to be some kind of trigger. It’ll be hard to pinpoint though.

I’m seriously contemplating cutting out alcohol but I’m having a hard time accepting that as fact. I really enjoy having a drink at the end of the day. The problem is that I’m not just having one drink. I’ve never noticed any serious side effects and I easily go without drinking when I’m on the road. It’s just such a built in habit. Like I sit on my couch and I have a drink while I watch tv. I’m trying to look up alternative drinks, but I only seem to come up with water and tea. Both of which sound boring and like I’ll have to wake up to pee. hah. I was doing pretty well with cutting back to like one a night but then I started up again. Maybe I can get to a point where I only drink on the weekends or if we go out. And not like binge drink the way people do on “cheat days” but continue with my normal amount.
You know, it’s funny but I always thought TF would be good for me in this regard. He doesn’t drink much during the week [although maybe now he does after the way he was talking about beer] and I thought it would be easier if I were around someone like that.

I know that I need to make some changes in order to figure this out. I just can’t seem to figure out what those changes should be. And I honestly don’t know if I have it in me to be strictly dedicated to anything right now. I wish I could get to a place where I could walk comfortably again and have that last a while. When the drugs did their magic last month it was like my entire life was different. It was so gloriously wonderful and I was so happy. It’s so nice to be able to move! If I could stay like that for a while, or permanently!, I could get so much done in life. It would change every thing.

We’ll see. I’m going to give this some more thought. At some point I need to get serious about something. You’ll never see changes if you keep following the same routine, right?

rose.
8:54pm