Very down day... in Deeper Bits (Emotional and such)

To preface this, I do believe that dreams tell us things. Sometimes, though, I'll admit I have no clue what my dreams are trying to tell me, and other times I do.

Last night, I dreamed that a girl I knew, but didn't recognize, was pregnant. Today at work, I found out one of the cashiers is pregnant. That in itself would have been fine, but she and 3 other cashiers just kept on and on about it. I heard the news not long after I got there at 10am, and ended up leaving at noon, because one we were overstaffed on the tills, and for two, I couldn't deal with listening to that conversation any more.

I'll admit, I'm sure it's odd for a guy to be in this state of mind, but lately, finding someone to spend the rest of my life with and having a family is really getting into my head and heart, and I cannot shut it up. S is already texting, asking about doing something on Friday, and yes, I like to see her and C, but at the same time, it's also killing me. She and I are.. well.. not compatible. The dreams of the first ex are beginning to outnumber those of "The Ginger", which, in and of itself, is almost enough to push me over the edge. I feel like I'm both climbing out of the crapper and circling the drain at the same time.

I'm just getting torn apart. I don't know how much more of this I can deal with. I am, however, too stubborn to just give in and end it all. My cat and dog haven't given up on me, and they've both been through quite a bit with me. My thinking is, how is it fair to them if I just quit on them? (Currently, the cat is curled up behind my head, purring loudly, and the dog is just round the corner snoring.) And I'm sorry, but I'm getting tired of being told to "just get out and change your situation". I'm working on changing it. It's just not going nearly as quickly as I'd like. I can't even say that I've met someone that I can see myself with long term, recently. And yes, I'm picky and have very high standards, and I've no intention of changing that. I settled for less with my last ex, and that was about like pissing on a spark plug.

I hate feeling like this. It makes me feel so damn weak. I'm not supposed to have the feelings, I don't think. I've been alone for 2 years now. I'm better for it, yes, but I can't say that everything is better.