Another good day in Life, is it worth it?

Today, I guess, was the day yesterday was supposed to be. I did really well at my job and I got some really high numbers. I’m naturally hyper and high speed when I’m manic, which is really my preferred state but the issue is the inevitable crash that’s bound to come sooner or later. I don’t lie to myself about it anymore. I used to think that maybe I was magically fixed and this was my new norm but no matter what eventually every thing will be a bother and I’ll wait and wish for death. It’s a damn shame that I can’t even enjoy a good run like every one else. All my good runs are tainted by what I know to be around the corner. Another thing that annoys me is that I know my abilities, I know what I can do but I don’t like the attention drawn to myself that comes with it. All day ppl were like wow your so fast and your beating so and so and nobody ever beats him blah, blah, blah… I’m like ok, this is just me trying to do a good job so I can keep my job. It’s no big deal please leave me alone. I don’t really want to be a dick and I try not to be. I know they are just being nice but I hate it. I love to do the best job I can do but it’s for me not for some dumb competition. I don’t do well with people my social skills are lacking big time but I always feel so damned awkward… Well c that was my day anyway. At least I know my job is secure.

Last updated February 10, 2018