new friends in 2018

3:15pm

Another long day today. For some reason I ended up with a bunch of clients this morning. Why they’re coming back to me, I have no idea? haha. I guess it’s alright but that means I’m basically doing two jobs at once because I’m still running the front desk and working the job with the clients. Earlier today after two scheduled appointments I ended up with a walk-in and during the first 5 minutes I had to take a phone call, make an appointment, and also had a guy walk in to make an appointment. Luckily the client I had was very understanding and didn’t mind my running around.

I didn’t actually finish my entry the other day. I meant to add more to it but I also wanted to get it posted. It was probably long enough already anyways. So I’ll make updates in here.

I ended up adding TF’s sister to my fb Wednesday night. I figured why the hell not? Except I didn’t consider the fact that she knows a ton of people from around town and I’m definitely still trying to avoid a lot of locals. Oh well. I don’t think any of them will try to add me and I can always deny it or avoid until too much time has passed. hah. Actually I had two really old requests sitting in there that I never responded to and I finally deleted them. Why the hell do I want to see them there? I know I’m not going to add them. It’s just that up until recently I felt guilty for deleting people or denying requests. Not anymore though. This last year I’ve deleted a few people from my list, and finally denied those old requests, and I periodically go back through the list to make sure I still want them all there. It’s not like I’m going to run into any of those people and if I do…oh well no big deal. I’ll find a way to play it off if it comes down to it. It’s easier than trying to remember who to block from my content.

Anyway, I added her and I didn’t block her from anything, but now I’m thinking I might double check the settings on old pictures once I’m at home on the computer. She’s probably the first person in a really long time that I added without immediately going through every single thing and blocking. Not sure why. No desire to hide, I guess.

We’ve already exchanged a few messages. She added me almost immediately after I sent the request, which was surprising. But I guess most people sit on their phones all the time. Or she just happened to be on at that moment. Didn’t hesitate much though. I sent her a message a bit later and said I thought it was easier to find her and that now I could crash any future wedding celebrations as soon as pictures pop up. :) She responded and said she was glad I found her and that she was looking through my posts and that I was hilarious. ha. Why thank you! I try my best. ;)

I’ve already seen a few pictures of TF because they were posted within the last couple of days. They’re from the other sister’s wedding in October. She showed us one in the office the other day. I was surprised I didn’t recognize him right away. I looked at it a little more closely at home and he does look different. Not to sound super shallow but he looks like he gained weight or something because he was quite stocky. It’s interesting because he’s really thin on the bottom but just really broad on top. I know he works out a lot. He may or may not still be boxing. His weight does fluctuate a lot and I haven’t seen him in like a year. So I’m not surprised he looks different to me. I guess I’m just trying to figure out why the heck I was so attracted to him. haha. That sounds bad doesn’t it? =\ I did always say he wasn’t my usual type. I have no idea what it was about him.

Sometimes I wonder if maybe it really was just because he was showing me attention and I hadn’t had that in a long time. And never with anyone that I felt that mutual connection to. I don’t know. Maybe it was something and maybe it was nothing at all. It’s hard to tell these days.

I still haven’t seen him. When he didn’t show yesterday I really expected him to come by today. It seems he’s going to drag it out until next week. It’s not a big deal, and talking to him on the phone has made me feel much better, but I think seeing him is going to be a whole different ball game. Like just standing in front of him and looking into his eyes. I’m hoping I can control myself.

Honestly, I feel a little bad about the way I spoke to him the other day on the phone. It wasn’t anything serious or terribly awful, but still. I really don’t want to come off as some bitter old hag. I try to control those emotions. I guess there are things he says that trigger me. Like I have this lingering anger inside of me and he sparks it and I’m rude and a sarcastic a*shole. That’s not who I want to be. That’s not the impression I want to leave. I know what happened, and it definitely hurt, but I don’t need to be a witch about it. I did learn a lot. I am a better person! I’ll need to work on all this.

So I have a little client story to tell. I’ll try to make it quick. Well, two stories.
1) Yesterday a regular client came in and he was very friendly. I made small talk while he waited for a minute or two and he was a lot chattier than usual. Cool. Then I heard him ask if we both worked there year-round, which tends to be the way people try to figure out if I have other employment. No big deal. Then he started talking about his new guitar and mom asked if he taught and whether or not he’d like to teach her daughter. I don’t know if she motioned towards me or what because I heard him say “Oh..is this your daughter?! I didn’t know that!” He’s been coming to us for a few years but it wasn’t something we exposed before. I call her by her first name and it just doesn’t come up. Anyway after some more chit-chatting he made his way to the front. He grabbed a card from the front desk and started saying he knew I could find the number but he would write it down just in case. And proceeded to write his name/number on the back of the card.
I know he didn’t mean anything by it, although I’m pretty sure I saw him look me up and down a couple times, but I joked with mom later that I was going to add it to my pile of numbers on cards anyways. [ok, it’s not a pile…there’s only two so far lol]

2) I think I mentioned the other day about the muffin guy coming in to make an appointment? Well, he came in this morning, a little late, but that’s ok because I was busy. He ended up getting there as one client was going out and the other was going in so that worked out ok. Funny enough the girl leaving was all excited and wanted to hug mom and we were all laughing/joking.

So once everything was situated and settled [because I’m still running the front desk remember] I took him back to my desk. He was very fidgety! Like adjusting his shirt a lot and moving around in his seat. I think he went through all his paperwork multiple times while we sat there. Took it all out and put it all back in again. haha. I don’t know what was up with him. Sometimes I feel like he gets nervous around me.

There’s a question that asks whether a person’s married or not so I said, “You didn’t get married did you?” He responds, “No! ....and I’m not planning on it for a loooong time.” To which I laughed because he was so quick and made it seem like I’d asked if he’d just kicked a puppy. haha.

I continued on through the questions when I heard him say, “I would ask the same question, but that would be..I think that would be rude.” I laughed and said that my answer would be no and that it would probably be very similar to his. He didn’t say anything and I didn’t glance over to see if he was watching me. Interesting though.

It didn’t take me long to go through his paperwork, about a half hour or so, and he’ll have to come back because I didn’t get a chance to put some other stuff together before his appointment today. We talked about various things. Mostly work, and his schooling, and decisions he’d have to make about committing to school full-time or continuing his job on the fire crew. Right now he attends school at the beginning of the year and then jumps onto the crew for the fire season. I asked which way he was leaning and he said towards education. Which I agreed would probably be a good idea to do it now while he’s motivated. Then I made a joke about how maybe I couldn’t say much because I ended up back in town working in something that had nothing to do with my degree. He asked what it was in but we didn’t talk about it after that.

Once we’d finished and moved up front I could tell he was stalling to leave. It seemed like he wanted to say something to me but couldn’t find the words. So as he pushed open the door he said, “maybe I’ll see you around sometime” or something along those lines and motioned towards the outside. As if to say maybe he’d see me around town or somewhere besides work. I smiled and agreed and he left.

Here’s the kicker though. He was saying these things right? Acting funny. Hinting without hinting. And I totally know he’s seeing someone!!!! Like serious long-term been together forever kind of relationship!

No joke, just yesterday I saw his girl’s comment on TF’s sister’s fb [omg I’ll just call her AB from now on…much shorter haha] saying something about how cute AB and her husband looked and one of those hashtag marriage goals things. Except she spelled marriage wrong. hah. AB replied something about how this girl and her guy [they have the same name] were something to look up to too. Or whatever. I don’t remember the exact comment but damnit. That guy came in and balked about getting married and acted single.

I know that I tend to read too much into things and I have a horrible habit of over-analyzing, but I swear he’s never even mentioned her. He’s always acted like it’s just him on his own. And maybe he’s not trying to very subtly hit on me, but he’s definitely not acting like he’s in a long term relationship with someone.

It makes me kinda sad honestly. Because I like this guy. He’s genuinely nice and polite and seems pretty cool. But it’s so hard to look at him and not think about all this. Would he take it further? Would he go on pretending that he’s not with someone if we started talking more? He has to know how easy it is to look up his fb page and find the truth. I can’t even imagine him being like that.
What the hell do I know though? This last year has been such a disheartening disappointment. I’ll probably spend the rest of my life assuming every man is lying.

Damn…Didn’t I say something about not being bitter? heh. -_-

I should get ready for bed. I’m currently debating on using lent as an excuse to give up alcohol. I think it would help me commit to the idea, but I’m not sure I could make it. Maybe I’ll include an escape clause for really bad days? ha. I sound like such an alcoholic. It’s just nice to have a drink at the end of a long day. I definitely drink less now than I did a while back. It could be good for me though to help jump start weight loss and clean out my liver. I’ve been mostly hitting my water goal of 64oz a day but maybe I need more of a detox. I’m sure it wouldn’t hurt. I just don’t know. Bummer it starts on Valentine’s day this year. My favorite holiday without a drink sounds kinda lame, although I’ll also be fasting and not eating meat so how much worse can it get? hah. Kidding. This is always good for me. We’ll see though.

Oh, right, bed. Yeah. I’m going now.

rose.
10:29pm

Last updated February 10, 2018