The freedom of ugliness in Life, is it worth it?

I think, for guys like me, Korn is the best band ever. I’m a middle aged small town white boy. Born in the 70’s but a teen in the 90’s-which I consider the best decade of my life. Korn is an amazing band. The lyrics are so often like I wrote them myself or would have. Jonathon Davis’s voice is so good at expressing emotions and the band is phenomenal. I guess I can’t really articulate very well exactly what it is about Korn that gets through to me but somehow I think I feel something like a kindred spirit there.

I shaved my beard off. It makes me a different person. When I have the beard, as silly as it sounds, I feel strong, desirable, influential. But it also bothers me because it makes me think too much about what others are thinking about me. I’ve always wanted to be wanted-to be that star that turns all the heads. But it’s too much sometimes. I can’t handle the stress and soon I want to disappear. I think I’m ugly when I don’t have a beard. I’m bald by nature and by choice. I don’t have the confidence to go with a partial head of hair or comb-over so I shave my head. And I’m of French decent so I have a large nose. The beard seems to balance everything out ok but when I shaved it off I think I look like a turtle or some weird bird-ugly as fuck. But there is a certain peace when you know you are ugly…

When you are ugly and know that nobody could possibly be attracted to you, you don’t have to worry what people think of you cause you already know . “I wonder if he/she thinks I’m cute?”–nope no reason to even bother venturing down that road. So being ugly, for me, is a sort of freedom from social pressure. I don’t have to live up to any standards-nobody expects much from ugly ppl like me and nobody cares enough to pay much attention anyway. When I’m ugly I know nobody gives a fuck about me and therefore, I don’t have to give a fuck about them either. It makes life much more simple. It’s my refuge, my shelter sometimes. Today, I’m a big dumb ugly sonofabitch and therefore invisible and free from restrictions…yeah, I know.... Whatever though. Later…