An okay day so far.... in Life, is it worth it?

Today is a good day so far. I don’t feel ugly or stupid, that’s always a plus. I’m a little disappointed, I wrote a lot of stuff here last night about my past and whatnot-today it’s gone. I guess I didn’t save it correctly? I should really stop posting when I’m so tired. But maybe the effect is still the same because I’m ok today so far. I have this thing-they call it a type of bipolar, I don’t know about that, but I bounce around a lot. Right now I’m ok, but it’s only a matter of time before I either go way up or way down. Most common is down. When I go up it’s like snorting Coke. I feel strong, confident, good-looking, smart, optimistic-all that shit-it’s fucking great!! The psych doctors are always trying to give me meds to bring me down. They say that the “manic stage” is dangerous. I think that’s bullshit. I say look, it’s not the ups that suck, I don’t wish for death when I’m up, I don’t wanna hurt myself when I’m up, the ups are great it’s the downs that suck. So why are you always trying to bring me down, why don’t you try keeping me up instead?
The endless list of anti-psychotics (sp?) I’ve tried only ever made me worse. I took a whole bottle of lithium once, along with a bunch of abilify and whatever else I could find. Didn’t make me feel any better, but it did cause a stomach pump and extended stay at a metal hospital… Good times… Gotta go.

Last updated February 06, 2018