This is me... in Life, is it worth it?

Ok so I needed an outlet to get things out of me. I’m not good at talking to people about my personal things. To be honest I don’t feel that anyone really cares anyway but I still need to talk and I talk best in written words. I’ve kept a private journal for quite some time and it’s ok, the problem is that although I’m socially inadequate in regards to expressing myself in company of others I still have a desire to be heard. I had the idea to find a way to post my thoughts and feelings online anonymously so that I could be heard without being seen-so to speak (judged). Apparently I’m not alone in this desire because here we all are. I tried Facebook and quickly found that the things I needed to say could come back to haunt me. For instance, I’m some sort of GAY. Not sure exactly what category I fit into, probably pansexual, anyway I wasn’t worried about my old friends finding out, it was sorta my way of coming out of the closet after all these years, but people at work can also find this info pretty easy and make my life harder than I would like. So this is hopefully a way for me to say whatever and not have to worry about it coming back on me somehow and that’s something I feel that I desperately need. I would like to thank whoever started this site, it’s a great idea…

I have never been able to find any lasting peace, happiness, or meaning in life. When I say never, I mean NEVER. I’ve been different my whole life. Always felt like an outsider. I don’t fit with the str8s, I don’t fit with the gays either. I’ve never really felt that I fit anywhere even though I suspect others don’t see what I see when they look at me. I think I’m ugly. I think I’m a loser. I’ve tried to kill myself before but I probably won’t repeat it. I still think about the peace and serenity of being dead all of the time but I’m scared and also there’s nothing worse at failing when trying to die. As if shit wasn’t bad enough who needs the added stress of a failed suicide attempt? All those ppl pretending to be concerned. Let’s be real, nobody really gives a fuck, right?
I’m gonna try to post whatever comes to mind. Warning: I digress allot but I’m allowing myself free reign, as far as that goes, here because it’s probably best to just let the thoughts flow and take whatever shape they will. I hope ppl read this stuff, it’s my testimony to who I am. If there’s comments on this site then your welcome to post… Just please don’t be a dick, ok? Lots of shit to write about but that’s for later. Right now need to sleep or I will just fuck this whole thing up.... Bye for now…

Last updated February 05, 2018