you make me wanna in 2018

6:56pm

Another late night. I’m not as tired as I expected to be.

I spent some time looking back on entries from this time last year and I think I’m handling this season better than usual. Now, this could all change by tomorrow. I’m not even sure if my eyes are open right now. hah. Just running through the motions. It’ll be packed over the weekend too so we’ll see how it goes. I’m hoping to stay in this positive mindset and continue to enjoy seeing/reconnecting with clients. I’ve been doing pretty well with the whole social interaction thing. I’m slowly but surely becoming more outgoing. Although I still enjoy my quiet recharge time, which I am definitely lacking these days.

2.3.18 - 2:39pm

Didn’t even make it past the first paragraph yesterday. We had a few complications and a couple people piled together and I was trying to run interference. I made it out of the office about 20 minutes to 8pm so it wasn’t too terrible. I looked back at last year’s calendar and we actually had more late nights [after 6] in January than we did this year.

Aww there’s a little ladybug crawling across the outside of my window. I haven’t seen one of those in a long time. Oops there it flew.

See, I do get distracted by shiny things. haha! ;)
And this good lookin’ Puerto Rican man that just left the office. Damn shame the guy was already married with kids. ha =P

Ok. Back to our regularly scheduled program: I think I had more to write about before I started rambling about TF again but ah what the heck. Might as well get into it.

I’m kinda desperately trying to keep myself from contacting him right now. I usually see him around this week of the year and after that phone call the other day [and meeting his brother] I’ve been itching to talk to him. Like the fun playful talking that we rarely got to enjoy because I took everything too seriously and he couldn’t handle me.

There’s stuff I could joke about and several things I can mention, but I’m trying really hard not to make that move. I convince myself by saying - oh well I can’t text because I told him I deleted his number.....hmm…I could email him though....nah, that’s weird. The last email was that hey/hi exchange that was mysterious and went absolutely no where....I could start a new email....DON’T BE STUPID ROSE!!!!!!!!!!!

Kinda like that ;)

2.5.18 - 4:27pm

I am never going to finish this darn entry. Most of whatever I was going to go on about the other day has probably dissipated from my mind anyway. I’m still tempted to contact TF just about every day but I haven’t. So that’s definitely progress over last year. hah. I don’t even know why I want to do it anyway. Probably because I’m a masochist and love the drama. Or I’m stupid and crazy. Or all of the above. =\

Today has been an exhausting day. There’s soft music playing and it’s relatively quiet in here [compared to the all day crazy that’s been going on] and I could lay my head down on this desk and pass out in the next 2 minutes. I thought I’d been doing alright but maybe this week is the one that’s going to knock me out. I’ve noticed that the days that affect me the most are the ones where there’s a constant stream of people and phone calls. Like I can have a day where I’m booked every hour, or every half hour, but it still doesn’t feel as exhausting as a day like today. Clearly I am not meant to be a social butterfly.

It’s actually worse when I’m feeling this way because I’m seeking comfort and I’ve been known to look for it in all the wrong places. And considering TF’s like the only one that’s shown any interest in me lately I gravitate back towards him.

Except it’s not true that he’s the only one that’s shown any interest in me because just yesterday the client asked me to hang out again. But I guess the difference is that TF’s the only one that I’ve wanted in return. Shame really. So many good prospects out there.

The muffin guy came in a little while ago to make an appointment. I was grabbing paperwork from the copier when he walked in and I smiled and walked to the computer. We started exchanging the usual “how are yous” and all that. At one point he asked “how have you been” but I’m so tired/not good at multitasking right now that it didn’t click. I looked up from the computer screen to see him staring at me and my brain clicked back on and I was like “oh damn he said something to me and is waiting for a response.” haha! Whoops! ;)

I did end up responding after the words began to make sense again. I told him it had been a really busy day so hopefully he understood that was my excuse for being a dope. I made the appointment for him for Friday after some back and forth. He reminded me of some paperwork we never finished from last year [his fault, not mine] but hopefully I can get it set up by Friday.

I almost, just almost, told him that I liked the new look he had going on with his facial hair. Like it was really working for him. But then I remember that we aren’t actually friends and uh hellooo I know he has a girlfriend [from my very discreet fb stalking lol]. Oh well. Hopefully she tells him it’s working for him. haha.

It’s going to be an interesting week. I need to wrap this up and post it or it’s going to turn into a few paragraphs a day for the rest of the season. It’s basically all “I’m tired” and “TF blah blah” and “I feel like a moron.” So yeah. Good night.

rose.
9:44pm