Ugh crud! in 2018

Went in for activation today…he said PT wouldn’t hinder anything he is doing so yay I get to go to PT again…for the like 4th time. He did tell me to use his breathing technique and not the one I had learned as it doesn’t do any good. I am not looking forward to it because I have been in PT at least 2-3 other times and it never worked. I also said fuck it and told my grandma I smoke daily. She said she doesn’t care. If I was hurting mom she would be pissed. It helps me and I think she has seen it. It made me feel better telling her. IDK. Ugh I can feel myself getting sore from the activation. I am going to have bruises on my ass again and TJ is not going to be happy. He hates seeing me all bruised up and sore/stiff. I hate it cause he is going to be scared to touch me for like a week and lately if he hasn’t been touching me in some form when we go to sleep I spazz out a bit. IDK why either I never used to be like this. I don’t mind it though I’m just more worried he might get sick of it.