12918 in Who I Am

I’m losing faith in Alex and me. I just don’t think it’s going to be a thing. It honestly does make me really sad, but I can’t be waiting by my phone or wondering what he’s up to. If he wanted me, he would text me every day, he’d wanna tell me good morning…etc. That’s what I would do if I had a girlfriend. Or wanted someone to be my girl lol
I haven’t really talked to him much since Friday. I wonder if he even gives a shit.

I am disappointed in this realization. But its okay, it only feels like the earth stops when I kiss him…no big deal. Ugh I hate myself lol

My ex, Matt has been talking to me a lot lately. He tells me if he got another chance with me, he would never let me go and take the best care of me, take me on vacations, and always be there for me. And I believe him.

Is it what I want? Honestly..im half and half with that. A life with Matt would mean financial stability and being with a really great person who has a nice family (minus his brother). But I’m really enjoying being single right now!! Im enjoying not having to explain my time and how I spent it to anyone, or worry about friendships or people he doesn’t like. its nice being alone!

He’s a great guy and I know he loves me, and he would take good care of me and our relationship. But the reasons we broke up are pretty important.. I bring those up to him and that’s where the convo gets tricky and kinda slow. I mean… its real. Those are facts.

I’ve got a couple dudes I’m meeting this week for the first time so that’ll be kind of cool. Who knows maybe something may spark there?

I’m gonna just try to move on from Alex mentally atleast. Which shouldn’t be hard since Matt’s been all up in my head. But it is. Because I for some fucked reason still dig Alex, regardless of his lack of contact/interest/whatever. I’m aware of it, and I know I deserve better. So I’ll do my best to move on.

I’m gonna give it more time. Time is the key.