Confused 11/24/2003
Last Friday night I went out to a Sports Bar with Stephanie and Big. The girls from my sorority arranged to have a free keg there, so we decided to go. I met up with my Little, who brought me an Amaretto Sour. I specifically ordered that drink because earlier that day Chris told me 'that I tasted heavenly' at the date party when I had been drinking them all night long. Before getting to the bar, Chris had called me before midnight asking me where I was. I said I was going to go to Sports Bar for our free keg. He was like, "OK never mind then, because I'm in the Rat and I can't get into Sports Bar." He doesn't seem to understand that I want to hang out with him. And besides, I can do both...I can go to Sports Bar, hang out with my friends for a bit, and then bounce over to the Rat and go hang out with him. He kept saying, "No it's OK, go hang out with your friends." Grrr....I REALLY like hanging out with him and he doesn't seem to understand that.
Sports Bar was fun. I hung out with Big and Steph, who got trashed off of beer. The Amaretto Sour my little bought for me did nothing for me...which especially sucked because I had two tequila sunrieses before leaving the apartment and I still didn't have a buzz. It was approaching 12:30 and I really wanted to see Chris, seeing as I haven't seen him since the Monday morning he left my apartment. I called him to tell him I was on my way...I couldn't hear what he was saying, but it sounded as if he wanted to meet me somewhere inside. Steph, Big and I all cut the line and got in within minutes of arriving. The first thing I saw when I got downstairs was Chris, sitting on a barstool. He waited there for me, which I thought was so sweet. That was the last I saw of Steph and Big, who disappeared into the crowd. Chris and I found a stool by the stage, near the pool tables and basically hookoed up for the next hour and a half. He told me that he felt bad about falling asleep after date party because he had wanted to fool around with me...actually he was really looking forward to it. Now, I love kissing him, but it feels as if that's all we do now. We used to go to the movies, meet up on campus...and now, I see him once a week, and when we do see each other, all we do is hook up in the Rat, or my apartment, and then he leaves. Ever since we decided to be 'officially dating' the night we had sex, it feels as if I'm his hook-up buddy now more than ever...
He did tell me he was glad that I came tonight, but then again, if I were a guy, I would be too if some chick I knew was guaranteed to hook up with me. Anyway...he once asked me how much my necklace was...I laughed and told him it was like seven dollars at some store...it looks really pretty though...he said, "If you stick around long enough, I might buy you something nice." I know he meant it as a compliment, but it just sounded rather arrogant to me. That, and I don't fucking care what he buys me...I want to stop being treated like a fuck buddy and more like a girlfriend....
He was being somewhat sweet that night...He told me that I was glad that I came and mentioned that he hadn't seen me all week. He really is an amazing kisser...not that that should have an effect on anything. He was rubbing my chest and pushing my shirt upwards. I was wearing his fleece so people couldn't see what was going on. I whispered, "Think people would notice if we had sex right here?" (Hell we practically were anyway...) So he starts playing with the button on my pants and pressed me against him. He'd rub my breasts and had his hands down the back of my pants for most of the night. "Do you like my chest?" I asked. "Mmmm...and I like this" he says, rubbing my ass. I was kissing his chin and his neck because he told me that he cut his chin with crummy razors. When I questioned him as to why didn't he just buy good razors, he answered that he was too lazy. He tried kissing my neck but apparently I bugged out...he hadn't shaved and it tickled. He asked me if I like it and I told him I did...I did, he just needs to shave...I asked hiom where he likes to be kissed and he simply replied, "Anywhere."
He asked me if I was happy...if being with him was what I wanted. I lied and said yes. I do want to be with him, but I wasn't happy. I don't want to make demands on his time...I told him that I wanted to hang out tomorrow so he says, "Sure...we'll hang out during the day. What time, around 1:00?" I agreed to that and then asked him to sleep over for Saturday night, whihch he also agreed to. I told him I'd be willing to skip my mixer with ZBT so we could just chill out in my apartment together and just drink. He sounded pretty enthusiastic about our plans, so I started to be happy again. We'd chill out tomorrow (sober) all day long and then he'd sleep over. He asked me again, "So what time are you picking me up tomorrow, around 1:00?" I event thought for awhile that he might sleep over tonight too, but he mentioned that he was going back to the dorms for the night. I dunno...I don't see what's so bad in spending both nights with me...He asked me why I liked him sleeping over so much...First of all, it's not 'so much.'...more like once a week, if that. But I replied, "Because I think it's comforting to sleep next to you, even if we don't do anything."
He went to go to and find his friends, and I went with him looking for mine. It kind of pissed me off that he knew my friends left me alone in The Rat (rightfully so...they figured, hey she's with Chris) and he left with his friends anyway. I just thought that was dick. So he kisses me good-bye and leaves with his friends. I tried looking for mine, but apparently, they left. I was about to walk home by myself when I ran into Heather outside The Rat, and she told me Nicole and Erin were inside the pizzeria next door. I hung out with them for awhile and walked back with Erin. She talked the entire time about her ex-boyfriend Dave, and how much she wanted him back. Dave was Erin's first and they had an incredibly messy break-up. I tuned Erin out, and kept picturing myself in Erin and Dave's place....
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