Oral Sex 11/11/2003
Nov 11—Tuesday
Chris and I had had conversation the night before about him not having food. I said that if he trusted me I’d cook for him, which he seemed really hapy about. We made plans to meet up around 6:30 for dinner. That day I spent the good portion of the evening running around. I first got out of class at 4:15 and then went to Walmart to get steaks and stuff for dinner. After I got done with Walmart I called him at 6:15 to see if he was ready…I figured that there was no sense in me driving downtown to my apartment and then back to campus to go and pick him up. He sounded all huffy on the phone (though when I picked him up and I had mentioned it, he apologized, saying he didn’t mean to) so I ended up driving to my apartment, put food away, and then drove back to campus to pck him up. He chilled out in kitchen while I cooked…we made small talk. He offerded to help half a dozen times, which I really appreciated. The steak came out so-so but he seemed to really like the pasta that I had made. We went into the living room to watch tv…My head was in his lap while we watched "The Players;" a pretty good show about football players and the drama in their lives…kind of like ‘Sex in the City’ but with testosterone. We ended up hooking up on the couch, which was nice but unexpected. I didn’t expect him to stay the night, I had originally just planned to have him over for dinner or something. He asked to go back into my room. Once in there he asked to have sex and I agreed. He couldn’t get it up (surprise…) and told me he couldn’t ‘feel a damn thing with this condom on’ so I told him I’d be willing to go on the pill. He seemed really happy about that actually…It kind of sucks that now I have to be the one in charge of the protection since he obviously doesn’t want to wear a condom any more.
He was really sweet though and said "At least we could do something for you" and attempted to finger me. I told him no and asked him what I could do for him…I felt kind of selfish that he was always trying to get me off and I never did anything for him. He guided my hand to his penis and told me to start there. I think I did a better job of jerking him off this time…I kept asking if what I was doing was OK and if it felt good. He laid out on his side with his eyes closed. I’m assuming that’s a good thing? My arm hurt after awhile and he didn’t come. He told me once to ‘not slow down’ but my arm was really starting to hurt. I mean, not that I’ve ever come or anything, but at least I pretend to after a few minutes…I felt like all that effort was for nothing. He asked (while I was giving him a hand job) "You’ve never gone down on a guy before right?" and I said no. "Wanna try it?" I stammered saying I didn’t know what I was doing and he’d have to give me feedback. I slid myself down so my body was perpendicular to my headboard, and I was making a "T" with his body. Penises are larger than I originally thought. I couldn’t get most of it into my mouth…The second I put my mouth on it he exclaimed "Watch the teeth!" I felt like an asshole…I can’t even do that right…A few minutes later he begged, "Please watch the teeth." I felt like a bigger asshole. I can’t even complain about him not being able to get it up or to get me off…at least his attempts don’t injure me….I had to keep taking it out so I could breathe…I felt like the damn thing was going to gag me. He asked if I could put more of it in my mouth. I really tried…I kept having to take it out because I felt as if I would gag. He was sweet though…He said afterward that I ‘did good for your first time.’ He’s such a sweet liar…He kept touching my head and moving my hair back and touching my cheek. He ended up not coming after like 15 minutes of sucking…I wanted to cry since Big once told me the easiest thing in the world to do is make a guy come. At the end he just patted my head and told me he was done…I wanted to cry and just curl up into a ball by myself. I don’t deserve him. He’s so nice to me and I have no idea why. I can’t even make him orgasm.
I refused to kiss him or let him touch me afterward…I felt so bad. I kept saying "I want to do to you what you do to me." I mean, even if he doesn’t get me off, it still feels good. The poor boy was in pain when I tried to return the favor…He laughed and called me a flatterer. Finally he said, "Don’t be like that…can’t you at least kiss me?" I turned over and kissed him and he almost immediately tried to finger me. I told him no…I thought like I didn’t deserve it because I couldn’t do anything for him. He kept asking me to let him and told me he really liked doing it. Finally I let him. When he does it it feels good but I haven’t had an orgasm yet…I don’t want him to feel bad so I fake it. He asked me that night if I really came, and that he knew that some girls acted…I didn’t have the heart to tell him the truth so I lied and said I really came almost every time he fingered me.
We kept kissing and talking that night after that we stayed up til 3 am talking…he asked me to tell him something that he didn’t know about me, but when I tried to tell him, he just kept kissing me…it’s like we couldn’t stop…I really love the way he kisses…so gentle….
He asked me to spoon as were going to go to sleep….his penis was semi hard and touching my ass…I wasn’t sure if it was on purpose or not so I didn’t move. I don’t know if I’m ready for anal sex seeing as I can’t even accomplish oral…
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