Saturday Night 10/22/2003
I was sitting at my desk, once again trying to act nonchalant while my heart felt it was going to pop through my chest. Chris was sprawled out on my bed, giving me one of his infamous little grins. I slid next to him on the bed and it just snowballed from there. Once again I told him, "Tell me what you want." and he gave the annoying vague answer, "Do what feels comfortable to you." I honestly don't know how to initiate oral sex and would feel really, really, really odd about simply sliding down there and just going at it. He did tell me however that when we kiss, he liked it when I sucked his tongue so I tried to do that more. He told me to get on my back so I complied. He, unlike me, has no problem with simply going for things and began to unzip my pants and finger me once again...this time he was really gentle and it actually felt good. I was really drunk and the room was spinning like crazy...the ceiling looked like it was going up and down....I don't know how long he was fingering me for but eventually he whispered, "Did you come?" How the hell am I supposed to know?? It felt good...I simply answered "Mmm" so he stopped.
I ended up straddling him at one point when he asked me once again, "What do you want to do?" I shocked myself by replying "I want to have sex with you." I know understand how girls get date raped. I'm not suggesting Chris raped me, or anything close to that effect, but I understand how girls get themselves into sticky situations (no pun intended) when they're really drunk. I didn't mean to say yes...I have no idea why I said yes...My glasses and shirt when flying across the room so at this point I'm in my half-opened jeans and a strapless bra. He had his shirt off and my hands were down the back of his pants at one point. He kept saying he needed to get his condom, which flipped me out but I said nothing. Did he bring them every time he went out??? Did he expect to get laid that night? Am I that predictable?
Then he told me he needed to get into the bathroom...Dude...you have a half-naked drunk girl on a bed telling you she wants to have sex with you (even though I didn't mean it, but he didn't know that)...why the hell are you going to the damn bathroom now?? I originally thought he had left to go to the bathroom (when we hooked up the first time) to masterbate, since I wasn't doing anything to err...um...alleviate the pressure. But if he knew we were about to have sex, why would he leave? was he planning on putting the condom on in the bathroom? What would be the point?
Luckily for me, Big was in the shower for an hour and a half (throwing up, as I later found out) so he couldn't get into the bathroom, and wouldn't go any further until he was able to go to the bathroom. I woke up the next morning, still a virgin, as Fate would have it. Had I had sex with him that night I would've hated myself for it...and ultimately I would've blamed Chris, even though he technically didn't do anything wrong. It's just a cliched way to lose it...drunk and with with someone you really don't know that well...But Fate stepped in and kept us from continuing. Chris finally got into the bathroom, but while he was gone I passed out into a drunken stupor. I was glad nothing ended up happening, but the next morning I felt like such a cock tease...I mean, that really sucks for me to have fallen asleep like that...
This time we actually talked the next morning and it wasn't as awkward as that first time. I found Big's vomit in the shower so I spent 30 minutes cleaning it up before anyone else saw...When I came back in, as expected, Chris was wide awake and sitting up in my bed. We talked for a bit, passed out for another half hour, and then I drove him back. I offered him breakfast once again, because hey...the least I could do was feed him after being such a bastard and falling asleep last night. He declined though, saying he'd wait to leave so I could eat. I figured he wanted to go, so I drove him back at 10:30...This time he actually kissed me good-bye before he left. I don't know what we are at this point.....
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