Bleh...The Summer.... 7/11/2003
OK this summer blows...sorry for the immature term, but it's true. I like being home with my family but I'm so bored. I don't talk to any of my high school friends anymore so on my weekends, like tonight, I'm at home watching "Whose Line Is It Anyway?" Good show, but you can only watch so many episodes. I kind of miss being up at school...The sorority drama sucks, and so does the stress of school work, but I have a life in Binghamton. Here at home it feels like I'm back in high school...nothing to do and no one to hang out with. I'm glad at home because I really do miss my family and just being in my house when I'm away, but it's starting to feel different. Like I'm out of place here. Well, I always was out of place here, but normally I would never wish to be at school.
Becca and John have never had the problem of feeling out of place. Becca had her close-knit group of friends in high school and her long-time boyfriend. Now most of her friends have drifted away, and the high school boyfriend is long gone, but Becca has her college friends so close by that even now that she's home she has people to party with.
And John...John used to be such a sweet kid but now that he's 17 he's an ass. He has a bunch of friends and has never had problems with h.s. the way I did. He parties with his friends every weekend and always seems so busy. I kind of envy him. Actually I really envy him. He never had to worry about sitting alone at the lunch table, or being teased, or having friends that never really talked to him...he's just the type of kidthat guys really like and girls have crushes on. I dunno, I know high school is over, but it woul've been nice to have a good high school experience. Not even that, I just wish I could make friends as easily as he does.
My camp job reminds me very much of high school. Every morning before our morning meeting I sit by myself because I don't know anyone. I'm horribly shy and feel really stupid just jumping into people's conversations. I dunno, I'm just don't have that likable personality like Becca and John do. The guy I work with, Brendan, barely speaks to me, and the few times I sat with him before camp started I was virtually ignored. My shyness isn't just me; it's because I've encountered so many rude and nasty people in my life that I'm almost afraid to bother speaking to anyone. It's going to be the third week of camp and he still won't bother pronouncing my name correctly. It's gotten to the point that the kids correct him. All he says is "Whatever."
As a side rant, boys just don't like me...It's something I've just come to terms with. Yesterday was my first day of volunteering and when I walked into the playroom another volunteer was already there. He didn't say hi or introduce himself, so I went over, saying that I was new, and telling him my name. I know the hospital isn't a place to socialize, but a reply would've been nice. My boss, who was sitting quietly in an unseen corner actually rebuked him for being rude and made him stand up, shake my hand, and "intoduce himself properly," as my boss called it. I felt like the new kid in elementary school and the teacher just forced someone to talk to me.
Anyway, I don't know why I'm even ranting about this...I was just watching t.v. in my mom's room with my mom and Jake and John walked in and started talking about his plans to go out with his friends. I realized, as he was talking, that the stuff John does at 17, I first started doing this year. It just put me in a bad mood I guess. Rebecca and John are just so well-liked and so well-adjusted 24/7 no matter what kind of surroundings they're in that I often feel like the loser middle child. At school the boys treat me like garbage too, but at least I have friends to hang out with, so I don't feel like such a....trying to think of a word....loser I guess.
Well, I'm tired and I have to volunteer at the hospital for six straight hours...Physician Assistant (PA) programs require 1000 documented hours of community service and as of now, I have 63.75, so yeah...need to get those hours up. Sunday I plan on being a bum all day, seeing as I have nothing else to do, and on Monday I get to go back to camp.
Phobia of the Day: Automatonophobia- Fear of ventriloquist's dummies, animatronic creatures, wax
Until my next rant
Artist
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