Last Saturday Night Cont'd 9/25/2002
When we were inside Regina's building getting her weed, I was making fun of his height. (He's 6'4" or 6'5"...something crazy like that). Anyway, he's really sensitive about his height, and was getting kind of upset. So I said, "Oh, Doogie, you know you love me." He says, "Love you? I don't love you, but I'd love to fuck you." (I'm deciding on whether or not to take that as a compliment). Had Regina not been so high she might've been embarrassed. No wait...its Regina...Never mind.
Anyway, he kept making comments like that throughout the night. Its too bad I was slightly drunk, I would've remembered more. Granted, it may sound depressing, but no guy has ever paid that kind of attention to me before. It just felt nice to feel wanted for once. (Not that I did anything with him, but you know what I mean).
At one point he asked me to sleep in his bed. He had an audition the next day, and it was five in the morning. I kpet making comments that he needed to go to bed, and he says, "I'll go, but I'll need someone to help me go to sleep." I just kind of laughed because I didn't know what else to do. I mean really....he just doesn't seem like the type of guy to just roll over and go to sleep with a girl in his bed. Besides, I wasn't sure I'd able to say no once we were in his bed. I'm not like a regular college co-ed (or at least not like the people I hang out with). I don't take sex lightly. Anything else and I don't really care, but sex was never a trivial issue. More than anything though, despite the fact that I was drunk I was smart enough to know that since I'm no longer taking birth control pills, sleeping with someone is probably not the best of ideas.
I've never done 'the walk of shame' and I don't intend to. The first week of school I was hanging out with this girl Allison ( a transfer from NYU) and her friend Mitch. Mitch lives in Hinman and he was flipping out one day when she had driven him back to his dorm. He had seen his light on and he was afraid it was the girl from the night before that he'd had sex with. After the sex, he apparently had no use for her, and didn't want to talk to her. Allison actually offered to go into the room with him, and if the girl was there, Allison would've helped kick her out of the room. I never EVER want to be that girl...
Do I like Doogie? Yes I do. I have the talent, or curse, of being able to decide very quickly if I like a person or not. Usually I'm right. More than that, it's very difficult for me to talk to a person and not be anxious, especially with boys. I always feel that if I don;t giggle enough or smile enough, or talk enough, or talk too much, people won't like me. And I do have that anxiety to a certain extent with Doogie, but I can easily talk to him without thinking about it too much (if that makes any sense). It's totally out of the ordinary with girls and almost unheard of with guys.
I'm afraid to do anything with him because it seems that they people I hang out with have no loyalty. Sharing of boys is a constant, and I don't share well. Do remember Chris, Diane's friend, who hooked up with Melissa, Alexis, and Jess? I can't deal with things like that. They see a boy who they think is cute, and they go for him, no questions asked. I was screwed over once by a friend, and I honestly am not capable of dealing with that again.
Or I could be overreacting and Doogie will never talk to me like that again because he was drunk and most probably stoned. I very rarely get interested in guys. I'm as picky as hell, and the ones I do like generally don;t like me back. But when I do like a guy it sucks, because I tend to fall pretty hard.
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