Syracuse Cont'd 9/18/2002
When I got back, I found out that Melissa had also hooked up with Chris, and came very close to giving him oral. Appraently, he only wanted sex, which she refused. I mean, damn, they've known each other 24 hours. That, and a few hours before, his tongue was down Alexis' throat. (Right before he left, Jess actually called him up and asked him if he wanted to make out in Diane's room before he left. I didn't know what was going on, and was waiting with Diane to go to dinner). When I met her by the stairs and saw him with her, I just got so happy. Of course, he had been waiting for Jess to show up so they could 'do their thing.' According to Diane, Jess was the one he had wanted to hook up with all along. ::Turning the knife counter-clockwise now:: I was the only one out of our group who Chris didn't touch. Kira didn't hook up with him, but that's because she was in Brooklyn for the weekend. As of now, my self-confidence is somewhere by my feet..
Then I started about something horrible; maybe I made a mistake by transferring. I sent Dionne an e-mail at four in the morning that night. It said:
I miss you guys already...Sometimes I wish that I never went to Syracuse for freshman year. I wouldn't have had to say good-bye to you guys, or made you guys sad because I went away.
On the way back to Binghamton I kept wondering if I had made a mistake by transferring. Maybe I should've given it another year, or maybe I should've tried harder to fit in. Maybe had I been put on a different floor or in another building, I would've met nicer people I would've had a better experience there. What if one of the sororities accepted me, or I had gotten the RA job, or the Hillel people (Jewish organization) had been nicer to me, or my professors and advisors would've actually HELPED me? I don't know....What if what if what if...
I'm in a weird mood and its 4:24 in the morning. Sorry...I miss and love you guys. You were all better friends to me than I ever was to you...I didn't even tell you guys I was leaving...Anyway, I love you all and I miss you.
Dionne wrote me the most awesome e-mail back:
What if and maybe if this.... sometimes things happen for a reason and we can't change what has already happened. it's right now that we have to worry
about. so you didn't have a great freshman year. but now you're in a new place with a clean slate. make the most of it and SMILE- you have a very pretty face. Let
me know if you need to borrow some rays of sunshine!
don't worry about what you should have done and what you could have done better. Just concentrate on today and making the most out of your day. remember Artist, we miss you but we want you to be happy at the same time. So as long as you're smiling, we don't care what school you're at!
love
Sunshine (her nickname is 'Sunshine since she's rarely in a bad mood).
I have no idea what I'm doing any more. The academics, especially the sciences, are much better than in Syracuse. I hang out with a bunch more people than I did in Syracuse, but we mainly just party...I don't know if they'd qualify as friends. I don't know if I qualify as their friend. They party throughout the week, and I'm studying five nights a weeks, doing art projects and organic chemistry assignments. I don't know what I'm doing, I'm so confused.
Phobia of the Day: Taurophobia- Fear of bulls
Until my next mindless ramble
Artist
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