Ugh! part 2 in 2018

Oh yeah my cycle has started. I woke up feeling like crap. Couldn’t stay warm,couldn’t(and still can’t) stop cramping. Lower back/hip is already getting fucked up. I am already starting to bounce around trying to find a half ass comfy location to relax. It is going to be a very long week. I have cried so much in the last 2 days and I’m crying now. I just want to not be in pain. I don’t give a fuck about my cycle I just want to not be in fucking pain. What am I going to do? What I was before? Barely sleeping, bouncing all over the house, snapping at everything, crying,miserable as all hell. This is just the 2nd out of 8 days. Imma be in so much pain. IDK what to do. I know stressing about it is making it worse but I can’t help it. I’ve been in pain for so many years and we were finally getting it to start slowly fading away I’ve feel like everything done has just been reversed. I don’t want that. Even though TJ is working I’ve sent him 3 text messages. I’ve asked him to talk to a friend of ours and see if he can get me something that might hopefully help with the pain. I can’t do it anymore. All of this crap(being sick,being in pain,lack of sleep) is just destroying my psyche. I scared TJ a little bit this morning cause I told him he is the only reason I am here. If I hadn’t meet him I don’t think I’d be here. I did attempt to kill myself once but I ended up flying by a county sheriff. I told him if I wanted to I know a road I can use but it won’t happen. I love TJ far to much to ever put him through that. I think I am going to attempt to sit out here in the living room and watch tv for a bit. I want to be able to sleep tonight,or try to.