11618 in Who I Am

Yesterday was a really bad day for my depression.
I got home from work, went to the gym, went through the motions, went to my parents to visit them for a bit and talk about everything that sucks about my life. Which is everything right now, seemingly. I had some pizza which is the last thing I need, and got home.

I ran a hot bath, listened to music, and cried basically the whole time I was in the bath.
After my bath I ignored phone calls and text messages from my friends and went to bed at 9 reading Beasts of Extraordinary Circumstance. I slept for 10 hours.

My kitten is being an annoying piece of shit. It’s starting to really not be cool, she broke my HDMI cord for my computer so I had to borrow one from my little brother. Because I’m THAT poor.

I’ve got personal training in 40 minutes and literally zero motivation to even get dressed for it. UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Also my mom “advised me” to cancel my personal training contract…
k.
let me cancel the one thing that prevents me from being you (my parents are super unhealthy and have been overweight their entire lives basically).

Not gonna happen.

Oh yeah, I drove to L Saturday night to see Alex and it went ok, we went back to his place and watched tv and had the quickest sex ever. he said he had a headache and apologized but meh.

Ho Hum. He snapped me today, it’s been since Sunday morning that I’ve seen him. I wish he lived in the O :( it makes me sad. I feel like we could really have something.

other Alexx is ok, I think I just don’t fuck with the whole Rx tattoo he has on his shoulder and the fact that he wears a chain with a cross on it. Like. the sex isn’t bad. and he IS a nice guy. he has a job, a nice new car, his own place…

but he has a daughter and is still payin bills for his ex. ew. I mean he was very up front about all of this but…pass. hard pass. nothing serious here.

I’m gonna go take preworkout and hope that it changes my life. .