Welcome Back Anxiety! in The Daily (2014)
- Feb. 3, 2014, 2:06 p.m.
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- Public
I've already posted once today. But I am anxious. So I am posting again.
This is very frustrating because my anxiety has really been under control for quite a while. I was feeling moderately in control of it. And now, I feel like my stomach is churning and I sort of want to run away.
This next week feels impossible. I have decided to break my promise to myself and skip class tomorrow. For a few reasons.
One, I feel like that time would be better trying to catch up. I fell way behind this weekend because I just was a little bit too sick to focus. I was significantly better today, but I made the mistake of thinking I could study at home. Well, it wasn't really a mistake. A mistake implies a lack of foresight. I knew I wouldn't be able to study at home, but I chose to try anyways because Liz didn't want to go out because of her face, and she was sad, and I knew that if I left her alone sad that she wouldn't get anything done other than getting more sad. So I stayed. And failed to get anything done. Either way, those 4 hours I would spend in class could be well-spent working my butt off cramming for math and getting my reading done for my Oral History Practicum.
Two, I didn't do the readings for the class anyways and I hate going to that class unprepared because it is very discussion based and okay I have a bit of a crush on my prof. She's cute. And smart. Whatever. This happens a lot.
Three, I have to finish my GIS Lab before Tuesday morning and I have no idea how long it will take. I've been doing fairly well in that class so far- 95% on each of the first two labs- but this lab is doing a pretty solid job of kicking my ass. Hence why it wasn't done in lab time.
Four, It's my anniversary. I don't want to have to get up early, do my lab, go to class, and stay for another hour or two after that cramming math into my brain. I want to leave campus around 4, pick up some flowers for my girl on the way, and get home by 5ish to her pretty smiling face. Honestly, that is all that I want ever.
So, that's what I am doing.
I think that meeting with the guy from the Pride Society about the Oral History project is part of this. I am so so anxious.
Ahhhh. I should just drink some lavender tea and calm down.
Overcoming the Darkness ⋅ February 03, 2014
Good luck, anxiety and panic attacks suck.
softea Overcoming the Darkness ⋅ February 03, 2014
sure do! thanks for the luck <3
Overcoming the Darkness softea ⋅ February 03, 2014
Do you have any calming routines you can use? Along with the tea?
softea Overcoming the Darkness ⋅ February 03, 2014
uhmm, sometimes. I just don't always actually use them ;)
Writing in my paper journal helps, reading helps, breathing. Etc Etc.
Miso Honey ⋅ February 03, 2014
Calm down, my dear. Everything will be ok.
softea Miso Honey ⋅ February 03, 2014
I know, I'm workin' at it <3
Miso Honey softea ⋅ February 03, 2014
Also, happy anniversary!
softea Miso Honey ⋅ February 03, 2014
Thanks!! Well, in two hours here. Unless we count from Beijing's timezone which would also make sense. And in which case, it would be today :)
theocean. ⋅ February 03, 2014
Happy anniversary, once more.
Damn anxiety though. I've never tried lavender tea -- it sounds nice. Is it pretty soothing?
Also, what are you studying?
softea theocean. ⋅ February 04, 2014
Thanks!
Yes- really soothing and great for sleep :)
I'm studying gender, sexuality and women's studies, and human geography :)
theocean. softea ⋅ February 04, 2014
Double major? I tip my hat to you. I didn't even shoot for a minor.
softea theocean. ⋅ February 04, 2014
Haha, I wouldnt recommend it. I am finally graduating but it has taken me 7 years and I don't even want to say how much debt! Ha ha
What is your major?
theocean. ⋅ February 04, 2014
(Continuing the note here)
I did sociology, and start medical school in the fall. Applying was simultaneously the best and worst decision of my life, and I'm terrified of the said many years and staggering debt, ;).
softea theocean. ⋅ February 04, 2014
I'm sure it will be worth it in the end! There aren't many more rewarding jobs. I also feel like Soc would be pretty valuable in some ways, if not directly. I feel like it often trains you to think in a way that I think lends itself to compassion and empathy, and that would be endlessly useful. Not many fields it wouldn't be useful in, really.
theocean. softea ⋅ February 07, 2014
Late reply, but yes, hopefully it will be well worth it. It was a lot of hard work to get to this point, so it's certainly something I'm proud of achieving, but I think I'm at that point where the excitement has faded and the fear has crept in, ;). And yes, sociology was surprisingly so beneficial on the interview trail. When I got questions about issues in medicine or ethical dilemmas, it was so much easier to deliver an eloquent answer with the knowledge. On the other side of the coin, it will bite me in the ass in school when all of my science major classmates understand the biology and I'm sitting here like "yes, those microbes do cause that disease... but did you know that disease affects people's social roles?" ;)
softea theocean. ⋅ February 08, 2014
haha, which sounds like the most interesting question to ask, to me!
AmINatalie ⋅ February 04, 2014
Happy anniversary! :)
Yeah, I have anxiety myself. It REALLY sucks. I find that works for me is that I just have to consciously shut off my overthinking sometimes and just go with my gut. It's hard to do tho.
softea AmINatalie ⋅ February 04, 2014
Oof, I wish I could compartmentalize like that. I'm so terrible at it.
Jack ⋅ February 06, 2014
I have general anxiety and I get panic attacks so I know what that's like.
Xanax much?
Congrats on your anniversary! How many years has it been?
softea Jack ⋅ February 06, 2014
Generalized anxiety disorder here too, and major depression. Fun!
Thanks! It has been four years :)
Jack softea ⋅ February 06, 2014
wow...long time! that's great
softea Jack ⋅ February 06, 2014
haha, I've gotta agree!