Thankful Thursday/ Silly Putty in The Daily (2014)
- Feb. 7, 2014, 12:06 a.m.
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- Public
Today was my math exam. I think I passed but not by a great margin. It is only worth 10% though. I can bounce back.
Not too much other than this. Today was tiring. I don't even know if I can fully put into words what kind of tiring it was. Just one of those days where you feel stretched thin. Not in a "Oh, I am so busy!" sort of way, but in a... everything feels like it is bending me out of shape and pulling me like silly putty. Kind of a silly/melodramatic metaphor. I am not sure how else to say it. I am just tired. Every interaction felt forced. Like I couldn't quite speak the way humans do.
Anyway, I've decided to steal an idea I've been seeing a lot of the people I follow do: Thankful Thursday. I love love love reading people's Thankful Thursday entries and I think I need to express some gratitude. I do this nightly in my paper journal, and I find that it is good to invite some positivity in before bed, especially when I have had a less than perfect day. I'll keep it brief this time because I can hear Liz getting ready to come to bed in the next room and I wanna cuddle up with her when she gets here.
So, here
1) I am thankful that for now, it seems the worst of my depression is past. I can get up and ride the bus to school and go about the day without feeling like there is this dark cloud above me. My anxiety is still bad, but it has eased with my depression. I can talk to people now without feeling like I need to run away. This seems like a small thing, but it has improved my life so much. I am less angry and short tempered, Liz and I are more affectionate with each other and bicker less. I am making time for my friends. Which I guess leads well into....
2) I am thankful for my friends and their infinite patience. I have been a terrible friend for about a year. Maybe more. I have been so busy dealing with my own shit that I completely abandoned everyone I cared about. Well, here I am emerging from this sort of selfish haze to find that many of them are still there. They could easily have given up on me, but they didn't. I know some wonderful, compassionate, amazing people and I am so thankful to have them in my life.
3) That Liz is willing to come with me all the way up to Burnaby mountain to study when she could just stay in our nice toasty apartment because I am anxious and she knows I need the support. Uhm, seriously, how lucky am I? And she bought me a mini-watermelon after her electrolysis appointment because she knew I would need something to eat but that it would be too late for me to eat a meal and she only bought one because it was expensive but she wanted me to have it. So, you know, thoughtful and cute as hell ;)
5) Prosebox. And OpenDiary. I don't think I can understate how positive of a force you people have been in my life. So, I am thankful for YOU!
theocean. ⋅ February 08, 2014
I actually like that metaphor! I just might use it for when I feel like I'm being pulled in one too many directions despite the exhaustion of it. I mean, the feeling sucks, but the description is accurate enough.
I'm glad you wrote one of these entries, and even more glad to read the specific things you're thankful for. I'm still kind of familiarizing myself with your story, but did anything in particular help with your depression, like therapy or an anti-depressant?
softea theocean. ⋅ February 08, 2014
I can only afford to get counselling if I use the free counselling through the school, and I hated the counsellor I was initially assigned, so I didn't see a counsellor when I was deep in my depression. But, I am now :)
And I started on an anti-depressant and it helped enormously. I'm on what is basically a half-dose of Wellbutrin and it has cleared my head just enough that I've been able to start taking the steps I need to move out of this depression. It took me ages to decide to go on it, but I am glad I did!
theocean. softea ⋅ February 08, 2014
I really should have taken advantage of that opportunity when I had the chance! I'm glad you found somebody better now though. The thought of seeing a professional seems so overwhelming to me, and I'm sure that it's ridiculously important to find somebody you get on well with.
For the anti-depressant you take, is there somebody through the university who can prescribe? Or does the GP do that? I'm just curious how it works in Canada, :).
It's inspiring to hear from some people on here who seemed to be hesitant like me about certain things. I've been saying this for months now, but I realllllllly do want to see a GP soon and hopefully discuss some things re: making the right moves to be happier/healthier.
softea theocean. ⋅ February 09, 2014
It is so completely overwhelming- that is why it took me so long! But, it can be worth it. Even if you are not going the medication route I think talking to a doctor and a counsellor can be helpful. My doctor was super good about addressing both medication options and lifestyle changes in a really productive way and I really appreciated it.
I see a GP through the university and that who prescribed me my antidepressant.
I would say definitely take that leap and talk to your GP. Even if medication isn't what you want, they might be able to figure out what sorts of things you can do in terms of diet and exercise to feel better. For example, my GP recommended (besides exercise, obviously) taking magnesium supplements and ensuring that I am either taking b12 supplements or eating fortified foods because I am vegan, and also making sure I am eating foods with omega 2 fatty acids, like flax oil, because all three are things that people in my demographic (stressed out vegan students haha) are deficient in and that really contribute to over all happiness and health and wellbeing.
Definitely glad I started taking steps towards getting better. It sucks I had to sink so slow before I realized I needed to, but, I am glad I did.
This got rambly. I have been cleaning all day and it is one am so I apologize if this was less than fully coherent ;)
Ophidia ⋅ February 09, 2014
Bringing someone a mini watermelon is probably the cutest gift I can imagine!! I want to surprise someone with a watermelon.
I'm glad the worst of your depression is out. Such a relieving feeling that is.
Miso Honey ⋅ February 12, 2014
This is great.
Tiny watermelon ftw.