Ryne, Alex, and Alexx in Who I Am

This week has been a shit. show.
I try to distract myself with boys.
I hit up this dude PJ, he says he has a girlfriend now.
So now basically the only dudes I talk to/ fuck with are the ones listed in the title of this entry.
Alex kind of drops off from me after a few days. Idk if he gets bored of me or he’s distracted and detached. I really like him and hes super sweet but the distance is shitty.
Alexx (diff one) lives 5 minutes away from me, has a nice car and a good job, and likes to fuuck. also hes super sweet and has already bought me food lol ayyy
BUT he has a daughter. but the other Alex has a son (and hasn’t told me about him at all… )**

So I guess they (kids) dont bother me? I’ve never had a boyfriend or whatever whose had a kid, but honestly…idk if id mind?? I’m not tryin to be a stepmom tho. or a mom at all frankly. I hate kids. theyre loud, and dirty, and ive never wanted them. but it wouldn’t be mine. so whatever? But I know the kid wouldn’t be around all the time.

** OKAY I just had this realization. Why in the FUCK has Alex not mentioned his son to me yet and we’ve been fuckin around since SEPTEMBER.

I mean. It kind of struck me that we haven’t really had many personal conversations at all. I mean sure we talk about things but… no convos about exes really. Nothing serious.

So.. honestly I think that basically spells it out for me. Alex is not wanting anything serious with me. he said that at the start of it, but I guess for some reason I just thought things were changing? maybe hes just a nice guy and I read too much into everything.

If he wanted me, I feel like he would have asked me by now.
and I think that part of whats fueling my depression.
not like, him. but the feeling unwanted thing. but that’s the thing. im not unwanted. because that Dillon dude did want me. Matt did want me.
But I didn’t want them.
What is wrong with meeeee.

:(

I’m trying to get with this Ryne dude on some real shit. I need to find out what he’s looking for lol serious or not.
maybe ill ask him sunday when I see him. I just want to be aware of any expectations. or whatever.

Stephanie (my old best friend who got hooked on meth) hit me up. I told her I have plans.

I think im gonna stay the night with Alexx tonight though. :) thatll be nice