placebo effect in 2018

3:12pm

Well, hello again.
I realized yesterday after I reread my entry that I got lost in my typical stream of consciousness thing and forgot to mention a lot of the stuff I’d wanted to talk about. Oops? I’ll continue today. Partly to procrastinate on the work that I have to do for JR [because he never pays me anyway] and partly to get it all out there before I forget.

I finally went in to the doctor yesterday! On Wednesday my mom had called in to check on her own appointment and since I’d mysteriously lost my appt card too, she asked about mine. Turns out it wasn’t scheduled until the 17th; not next week like I’d originally thought. She asked if there was anything earlier and the girl asked if I could make it at 9:15 the next morning. Well yeah! I don’t really have another choice. I definitely needed to get things looked at and taken care of. I’ve been in a lot of pain and there have been way too many days where I can’t even take a step to get anywhere. I know from past experience that limping only makes things a whole lot worse so I needed to go in.

So I woke up extra early yesterday and rushed to get out the door. We’ve been having trouble with our car lately where it won’t start and you have to get out to jiggle the battery cables. [Now we’re thinking it might actually be the key not making connection but who knows?] I was slightly concerned about being stranded somewhere, mostly because Mom was worried. I mean, I think I can figure out how to jiggle some cables without killing myself. Maybe… ;) It wasn’t really a big deal, just the hassle if it did happen and my barely being able to move sometimes.

Anyway, everything turned out fine. Even after I had to stop at the drug store the next town over it started up every time like a champ!

I ended up getting there way too early. I’d planned for about an hour drive, left five minutes late, and still got there in about 25 minutes. I wasn’t even speeding that much! Only like 73. haha. The office doesn’t open until 9am so I decided to wait the 15 minutes in my car. I saw people start to go in early but I didn’t want to deal with standing in line around a bunch of sick people and I figured they wouldn’t take me early anyway. All those people probably had 9am appointments so I waited in the comfort and germ free space of my car. =) I finally went in about five minutes after 9 when I didn’t see any more people going in. I signed in, sat a bit, watched this tiny kid a little over a year old stare at me and talk in a very coherent manner, and they took me in almost exactly at 9:15am. Yay for no people coughing on me! Although a lady did decide to sit right next to me even with 10 thousand chairs open! sigh

The girl that took me in immediately noticed my limp, which was actually no where near as bad as it’s been. I quickly learned I’d only gained like a pound or two instead of the 10 I was dreading. Seriously! When I got back from Wisconsin I could barely fit into my clothes so I’m guessing my weight stabilized after being back home and my own eating schedule, or something.
Then she took my BP and said it was high. I actually asked numbers this time and it was 151/88. The bottom # used to be the really high one [in the 100s] so I took it as a win. That place makes me nervous, I’d just had to drive with morons on the road, and sit in a room of strangers. Of course it was high! But my doctor took concern. I do not think one BP screening in a doc’s office should count it as high but whatever. She thinks it might be pain related and wants to see me back in 2 weeks. She didn’t want to make any adjustments then in case it was due to everything else I have going on. Good. Next time I’ll meditate before I go in. haha.

Now to the real issue. She didn’t seem too concerned about my thigh. She poked around and didn’t seem to think I’d torn anything. I don’t have any pain when pressure is applied. Only when I put weight on it or try to lift my leg using only that muscle. When she saw my knee though she got the saddest look on her face. ha. If only she knew it’s been like that for months, maybe longer! She could immediately tell it was swollen and noticed how much fluid the right one is retaining. The left’s not so bad. I told her about the limping and stopped her when she tried to move my leg too far out to the right by telling her that was as far as my hip would let it go so she could stop trying. haha.

So in the end she decided to put me on a quick round of steroids. Basically you start at 4 a day and taper down to none over the course of a month. Turns out she ordered the same ones that got me walking upright back 10 years ago after I was using a cane. Also some anti-inflammatory I’ll take for the same months time. She recommended I get Tylenol Arthritis OTC but I decided to be cheap and not buy it. Tylenol’s never done much for me. The advil works good if I have pain and I’m hoping to have a lot less of that now. I’m not concerned. She’d mentioned giving me a few shots but I skipped those too. No thanks. I’ll take as little medication as possible to get me right again.

I’ve taken two doses of the NSAIDS and one dose of the steroid and I’m honestly feeling like 67% better. I can actually get up out of the chair and immediately walk instead of standing/stretching for a minute. You have no idea how great it feels to just be able to take a step and get where you’re going. hah.

This could all be some kind of crazy placebo effect but that’s ok. I hope it lasts for another 10 years! Or more. Please God, let’s go ahead and let it last more. Kthx. =]

In other news: day three down. I’m slowly adjusting to the new schedule. It’ll become routine soon enough. I really do believe that being back on a routine is going to help me a lot. I try to keep one every off season but there’s just no way. Every day is always so up in the air. So this’ll be good. Wake up at the same time. Go to work. Sleep around the same time. I’ll start my exercises again tomorrow making any minor adjustments I need for my leg. I definitely need to figure out the food situation. Yesterday I had a bag of Southwest peanuts for lunch and that’s probably not the right way to go. I need to plan better but I’ll work that out soon enough.

You know how yesterday I mentioned that tiny bit of excitement at seeing TF again? Well now I keep having this reoccurring thought that he’s let himself go and will be really ugly. ha. I don’t even know why? I guess my subconscious is afraid I was blinded by the attention and wanted an ugly man? Like I made him seem prettier than he is? IDK. It’s true that he never really was my “type”. I don’t think I’d ever considered liking someone that looked like him before. You know because he was built and stocky and I’m always into tall cowboy types. He weighed like a good 75-80lbs more than I did and I’m not tiny or anything.

I always remember that comment he made while we were walking around [beach town] after we were joking about how quiet it was on the trail. I said something about getting kidnapped and he said they weren’t going to try to take him because he was 200-whatever pounds of muscle. And I told him he was terrible for basically saying he’d step out of the way and let them get me. All in fun though. We had a good laugh about it. Now I wonder if maybe he would have just let them take me. hah!

Yeah, so I keep having that thought and as much as it would probably help me to never worry about feeling anything for him again if he were no longer attractive - I don’t actually want him to be ugly. fingers crossed

There’s some stuff I want to say about the client but I think I’ll save that for another entry. It’ll help keep my count up this year. ;) Also though I’m home already relaxing and watching Live PD now that it’s back! I always make these things too long anyway.

rose.
9:19pm