New Year... in Fresh Start...

I tried really hard to reread through my entries from the past year and get some perspective. I made it to the end of July and stopped because it just hurt too much to relive it.

So yeah… this past summer I got my heart broken yet again. First person I’d really opened up to in a good while. It didn’t last long. It was pretty amazing until it went down in flames. He was too inexperienced, immature, and just plain stupid. And I have to see him nearly everyday at work… God I’m an idiot, but I really thought he was worth the risk.

Enough of that… on the upside… I finally filed for divorce, that should be finalized this month. I finally got a resolution to my constant hip pain. Hopefully the surgery will help significantly. I bought a new vehicle this year. Those are the main good things I can think of right now.

Now for this year… once the divorce is final, that means I can go to a fertility clinic and attempt to get pregnant. Who knows if it will even happen or be possible, but I want a baby and I’m running out of time. I haven’t found that whole true love thing. I’m not saying it doesn’t exist, but I don’t think it exists for me.

Now… I just gotta stop daydreaming about him every night when I go to bed and wishing he’d feel anything about me. Because all they are… are pipe dreams. And I need to move on and it’s really not helping. I really want to cry…