An imperfect soul. in Other life events.

An imperfect body reflects an imperfect soul

I stood glaring at myself in the mirror. This useless body i thought to myself; throwing daggers as i scanned myself head to toe.

I reached my eyes and realized how dead and rotten they where. I could feel it inside me, that black bubbling stench gurgled violently. Hate.

I hate everything, i hate my stupid lonely life which is so desolate that i get overjoyed at the sound of my phone making a hint of sound, it's crushing when you see its a Candy crush request or a message from O2 with there latest sweet deal; or alternatively a cold caller.

Sometimes it would be as simple ad someone simply calling me and asking how i was doing, that would be a rare and amazing occassion indeed. That being said, my fear of people and brittle nature would probably lead me to pour my heart out and scare them off.

It's weird looking at myself from another persons point of view, what am i supposed to do with myself? I don't think i even understand myself let alone anyone else possibly decoding the inner machibations of my soul and mind.

I think i'm broken beyond repair to be honest. I don't know how to accept affection, infact it scares me. My own mother will put her hand on my arm and i will instinctively remove it and flinch like its alien to me.

I don't know what i want. I can't seem to fathom if i want friendship or love or if i should just be left alone. I'm like a broken lightbulb, my purpose is gone and if you try to pick up the pieces the chances are you're going to get hurt. Fuck.