Deception in Journal
- Dec. 11, 2017, 8:41 p.m.
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- Public
I’m shaking right now and my chest hurts. I just revealed to a woman the truth about her husband. I was in a relationship with him over a year ago - he had told me in early 2016 that he had recently divorced his wife because she cheated on him - they had a toddler daughter they were co-parenting. According to him, they remained good friends, and she knew about me.
Our relationship was traumatic, verbally and emotionally abusive, landed me in the hospital a couple times and cost me money (he stole) and an abortion. I had never hit such rock bottom, and it was a welcomed miracle when I broke free in January 2017 and blocked him. He continued to attempt contact every month, and even harassed some of my friends. This week, it was getting especially bad, and I was feeling the trauma of winter, so tonight I sought out his (supposed ex-) wife to ask her if she could get him to stop contacting me.
She had no idea. They had never been divorced. She knew nothing. I felt nauseous as she asked me to send her photos, which I did. She had trouble trusting me at first, because he was feeding her lies that he had angered someone from a forum and was being set up - but finally with all the photos sent, he admitted it to her. We made an appointment to meet on Tuesday so I could show her all his texts.
I feel sick. She doesn’t deserve this, and they have a young daughter that will experience the fallout from this. I don’t deserve this either. Why couldn’t he have just left me alone once I cut him off? She thanked me - “otherwise I would have never known” - but I wonder if it’s better to know in these situations. What if she would have been happier not knowing? Was I selfish in reaching out to her? I just wanted desperately for him to stop hassling me.
2017 is the year of immense anger toward men.
Domino ⋅ December 11, 2017
Oh my god what a horrible situation you're in. Normally I'd say ignorance is bliss, sometimes people are happy in every other aspect of their life and so really does it all need to come tumbling down over sex. However, he sounds like a horrible, nasty piece of work and if he bullied you, he'll be bullying her, this could be the catalyst to set her free, I reckon you've done the woman a massive favour. Also it totally wasn't your fault, it wasn't selfish and it wasn't like you set out to be a home-breaker. Also, if she does display anger, know it isn't really you, it is him she's betrayed by. Good luck tomorrow. xxxxxxxxxxxxx
caramelchicken Domino ⋅ December 11, 2017
I totally agree with this ^
Mystical Cat Domino ⋅ December 12, 2017
Waking up this morning, my nerves are calmer. Thank you for your comment. It would be worth it if this is indeed setting her free. I am willing to accept anger from her, even if it's not my fault, because I know being in pain doesn't always play out rationally.
Key and Collar ⋅ December 11, 2017
I'm so sorry you are going through this! You don't deserve this any more than his wife does. What a vile man he is to do this to two women and then try to lie about it! My heart goes out to you and my prayers are with you! xx
Mystical Cat Key and Collar ⋅ December 12, 2017
Thank you. That painfully raw period of freeing myself from him occurred almost a year ago, and now I just want to hold the space for her - whatever she needs (information or support-wise) I'm willing to give.
Deleted user ⋅ December 11, 2017
As much as it hurts right now, know that you did the right thing
Luma ⋅ December 12, 2017
So sorry you lived through that. I agree with the above in that you most likely procured a divine intervention to set her free from his snares. Hope you can take care of yourself through all this!
Mystical Cat Luma ⋅ December 12, 2017
Thank you for saying that. If this will change her and her daughter's life for the better, it'll be worth it. I have a lot of support in my life, the semester ends today, and I'm leaving soon to visit my best friend and her family, so self-care is in the works!