Lady Bird in Journal

I had a dream of being on a cruise ship with no railings. At times, portions of the deck would tilt toward the water, and the only way to stay on board was to hold on to other people who in turn were holding on to other people. We cried out to one another reminders to hold on whenever the deck began to tilt. I clutched someone’s hand as tightly as I could. A couple feet away I saw a girl begin to slide off. We shouted at her to grab a hand, and several of us at the furthest end of the human chains stretched out to grasp her, but it was too late. She scrabbled frantically, then slid off to be swallowed by the ocean.

I love having dreams laden with symbolism. They’ve been racheting up in coincidence with the Full Cold Moon this week.

B. drove over from the City so we could watch Lady Bird on this side of the Bay. He knows better than to ask me to go over there on a weeknight. The theater was empty-ish. Lady Bird was perfect. She is pretty much me in spirit. I chuckled at her insistence on attending a private liberal arts college in NYC. I had that same fight with my parents in high school - the deal being they would pay tuition if I chose a UC (which back in the day was 4k a year), whereas they wouldn’t even give me a dime if I picked Sarah Lawrence (which was 20k a year). Going away to college mostly has to do with escaping the place you’re from in order to find “your people”, and for that, I am eternally grateful. Growing up, I was like a fish out of water. My parents simply didn’t know how to help me. My mind craved so much more. It’s always been a delicate balancing act, diminishing myself so they wouldn’t feel hurt/rejected, and expanding myself in order to understand and be understood.