So much has changed in a few months in Musings and Daily Events

It’s been a while. I back tracked to the last short entry and only that. You guys have so much to be filled in on.

So false alarm kind of?

Eric and I got back together. It took a good couple of weeks. We managed to work things out though. I took a complete break from him. I would talk to him yes but at around that same time my parents were in Italy for 3 weeks. I had 3 weeks to myself with absolutely no one to answer to. I would leave my phone at home and drive around for 2 hours just thinking. And no one can say a damned thing.

I didn’t figure my life out or anything, but I changed so much as a person in those few weeks.

And even more so since.

But back to catching everyone up (Disclaimer: this is probably going to be a long entry.)

Okay so I think everyone knows I smoked weed occasionally. Especially with Z and I think you probably read about edibles but honestly I have no idea how long it’s been and it doesn’t really matter either way. I slowly started delving into the world of cannabis and weed culture and it’s become a lifestyle. It’s been incredibly helpful in my life.

Quick Pro-Cannabis Rant: If you are open to the idea of using cannabis and are hesitant to try it yourself for whatever reason, big or small, please just try it. A small hit or bite or whatever works for you of a strain on the smoother end with someone you trust. If you need someone and really can’t find someone in person, I can be your person to guide you through this. Just try it however you can legally (if it’s illegal in the state you’re in or if you are not legally allowed to use/consume marijuana please do not use it - obviously).

I started regularly (and very discretely) smoking about 3 weeks before Eric and I split. (Note: Parents are really strict. I don’t go out much, kind of have a curfew, no over nights anywhere, drugs,sex, and alcohol are the devil. That kind of thing leads to a lot of sneaking around.) I get away with smoking herb in my car with the windows down and vaping with my pen when I don’t have access to my bowl/car. So, back on track, I was usually pretty high in those upcoming weeks and thinking and talking about how excited I was to be on my own again and how much I’ve missed it. I mean think about it, since I had no one to answer to I didn’t have to be home except to take out my dogs and stuff or I could not leave my house for 3 days. It was a whole new world and three weeks was a good amount of time. I remember sitting in my car packing my bowl and talking to Kamita about how I’m going to surprise Z and stay with him for a night and how I was going to bring Bella over to Jessica’s for a playdate with her dogs. I was so excited. I had no parents and no significant other. I was free to be me.

Maybe that’s why it was so life changing?

The Monday right after the weekend Eric and I broke up Z fucking dumped me.
Like fuck dude seriously? You couldn’t wait like a week?

Z and I lead very hectic lives. Plans can change on the spot and we never take it personally. We had planned to meet on Tuesday and Monday night I found out I had to take my mom to the doctor so I texted Z to cancel. He flips and starts saying that I let my mom control my life and I can’t do that and he had to reschedule someone for me and he’s only a fuck toy to me and I don’t care about him or his time and yadda yadda..Like the fuck? We hash it out and I didn’t talk to him until....

[Current life update: We finally met up yesterday. You’ll find out why in later in the entry or another entry if I don’t finish this one tonight. Before we got down to business we got caught up on each other’s lives then talked about what happened. He was trying to be the tough love Daddy taking care of his girl who needs to be saved from the evil dragon mother. Even though I chose to go with her to make our lives easier..but like whatever we’ve understood where the miscommunication was and i told him he needs to stop using time with him as a punishment/reward. I decide how and when I confront my mom about her tendencies and our Dom/sub thing does not extend into my personal life. So yeah that break up was repaired too yay!]

In those three weeks. I smoked a whole lot. I only smoked to get high and have fun and party and be lit and just woo…

Then one day I was in my bathroom lighting my bowl, enjoying the steam from the shower warming up, and I’m thinking. I’m thinking like I used to think when I was in college. When I was creative. When I was a girl with dreams and plans and ambitions and creative fire.

I found the part of myself that had gotten lost. I was doing the same thing everyday for so long, the fun spontaneous part wandered away and couldn’t find her way back.

But then there I was. I took the longest shower. I cleansed everything. I dyed my hair, I shaved, I exfoliated, I smoked some more. I managed to also reach my soul and bring it back to life. I don’t know if that was THE moment or if there even was just one moment but I remember this vividly.

I smoke a lot still and I use it as a way to better my life. I thankfully got over the whole party, being high all day thing and opted for the chill vibes and health benefits path instead. But you do you guys. Lord knows I get fucking smacked around this time of night. Sorry if things seem disconnected. I appreciate life, I’m grateful for the little things. I more tolerant of things that used to rile me up so much. I’ve been happy and good things have been happening. I don’t know if you’ve heard of the Secret. Look it up if not it’s an interesting belief. I never really believed in the “power of positive thought” but you know what, they might be on to something.

So now I’ve had a relaxing and eye opening three weeks and I’m ready to go through my life with this new positivity and see where it goes. Since then life has been okay. I’m seeing different men for the most part and you’ll learn about them more as time goes on.

I’m signing off for the night I’m exhausted. Good night guys.