December 7, 2017 in Journal 1

Honestly, I haven’t written recently because I’ve been too busy procrastinating the essays I need to write this week for my finals.
Anyways, I’ve been trying to motivate myself recently– not just to write my essays, but also to be successful in life. What I’ve found to motivate me most is the thought of becoming a person that everyone fears.
Is that weird or do other people feel the same way? Do other people feel motivated by the thought of, one day, being feared by many?
I don’t want to rule the world or anything. I have no desire to be in a leadership position or rain hell-fire on the innocent masses, but I kind of want to kick some bad people’s asses– whether that is physically or mentally. And, in that way, I want to be feared. I want to be feared mainly by those who are guilty of wrongdoing, not necessarily the innocent– like Beatrix Kiddo, I guess.
Is this like a very subconscious form of penis envy or something?
I don’t know, but if it’s the only thing that motivates me, than I would be stupid not to take it, right?
I don’t know. We’ll see.

Last updated December 07, 2017