Top freedom in Stuff

About a month ago, a certain paralegal in my office started coming in each day braless. I had no real thoughts about it when I first noticed it other than to say it was very obvious. She’s an older woman, as I suppose am I, but she is precisely the opposite of my build. She’s short, heavy, and large-breasted. I’m not sure if I’ve ever described myself here, but I’m tall and thin and flat-chested. I could go braless without anyone noticing, but this woman certainly could not.

I have mixed feelings about this. I immediately want to think it’s not appropriate for women to go out in public obviously without a bra. I wear bras pretty much 18 hours a day and most people would probably argue that I could get by just fine without one. They honestly offer no support for me. I wear them 50% to avoid having visible nipples and 50% out of habit. I think part of me wants all women to wear bras out of spite. If I have to, then you should have to too. If there was a movement to get all men to wear bras I would vigorously support it (only half joking).

But, the feminist in me wholeheartedly feels the exact opposite. I’m all about top freedom and the fact that breasts are not sexual and there’s no reason why we should be ashamed about anyone seeing them. I know this paragraph is in direct conflict with the one above it, but I really do feel like I hold both of these opinions simultaneously.

Of course, all of us in the office have been talking about her new look behind her back.

This morning one of the partners pulled me aside and said he was going to have a talk with her and would like me “sit in” on it because he didn’t feel comfortable having this type of conversation without there being another woman in the room. It felt super awkward but I agreed.

So we all went into a conference room. I’m sure she couldn’t guess what it involved that would require both the partner and me to be there. My presence seemed very out-of-place. He started gently telling her that there have been a few comments in the office about her attire recently and he wanted to discuss that with her.

She immediately went on the defensive about a skin condition and why not wearing bras was a huge help to her at the moment and it might not be permanent.

He responded that he completely understood and supported her, which of course was the right way to respond. He asked if she might be willing to wear looser tops or multiple layers to make it less obvious. Then he added something like, “I want to make it clear that we have no problem with how you’re dressing, but because several people have brought it up I felt like I should at least have this conversation with you. I assure you this is as uncomfortable for me as it is for you.”

Then she pointed at me and said, “Is Libby here as a witness that there was no sexual harassment?” and we all laughed because of course that was exactly why I was there.

I think the end result of this is perfect. No hurt feelings, and most likely nothing will change, but at least now we can say the subject was addressed.