Meth in Who I Am

This is going to be an entry about drugs. So if you are triggered by that, I recommend not reading any further.
So growing up I had this best friend named Steph, and she was my best friend from like 2nd grade until college, when long story short, a guy got between us. So about 6 years go by, I catch up with her online and she says she just got over a meth addiction that she had to move out of the O to get clean for, so she could get away from all her old dealers and what not.

I, too, had done meth for a little over a year, but I made the decision that I was done with it, because its fucking meth and I’m a sane person deep down. So I wasn’t about to judge her, and I know she’s prone to addiction issues, and has her own set of mental problems, brought on by some real fucked up shit that happened in her childhood.

So last night we decided to hang together. When I get there, she’s very very fucked up. I look at her and it’s like… shes not even the same person. Like..its her body but her mind is gone. She told me she tried to rob her ex (the guy that came between us) for drugs/money and all this other shit. She was so fucked up and her pupils were so blown up, I was looking at her in the eyes and I couldn’t tell if she was looking at me, or through me lol I mean for real…this girl is messed up.

Until last night… I never fully understood what addiction does to a person. I didn’t get why it was such a big deal… now I know. I’m like haunted by the lack of expression and.. well… humanity. Zombie person.

She kept making jokes about it and I didn’t laugh really. They’re not funny to me. It’s not funny to me that you would openly say meth is terrible and then continue to let it ruin your life. It’s disgusting, and sad, and I want nothing to do with it.

I left. She said “thanks for hangin” and im like “yeah” and that was that. Frankly I would be fine if I never saw her again. I don’t even want her to know where I live because I feel like I can’t trust her to like..not rob me. Even though I have cameras in my apartment. I can’t. I don’t need negativity in my life like that. I don’t need drugs and I don’t need to feel sorry for someone who has made their own decision to throw their life away.

I was telling her kinda what I’ve been up to and honest to god I don’t think she heard any of it. She probably didn’t care. And that’s okay. The less she knows about my life now the better…

Last updated November 29, 2017