November 23, 2017 in Journal 1

I am 20 years old. I am a college student. Already, my mom hounds me constantly about when I am going to give her grandchildren.
If you’ve read any of my previous journal entries or scribbles, you may know how antisocial and borderline asexual I am, which is why I cannot fathom the idea of having kids. And, oh, there are so many more reasons why I will never have kids, so I will explain:

1. I hate people.
   The reason why hating people and being antisocial is a bad characteristic for a mother to have should not be extremely difficult to understand, but I will elaborate further. Your baby is people. If you truly, truly hate people– specifically anyone over the age of 12– like I do, there will come a point when you will start to hate your own child. And, if you don’t come to hate your child, the best possible outcome would be for you to tolerate them. No child deserves to have a mother who merely tolerates them, let alone hates them.
2. I hate myself.
   Again, no child deserves a mother with such a low opinion of themselves. Children learn from their parents. And, a child with a self-loathing mother, will all too likely become a self-loathing person as well. To have a child despite this near-fact is– in my own, very personal opinion– selfish. It’s like knowingly having Huntington’s disease and deciding to still have a biological child, because “you’ve always wanted a child of your own” or some other bullshit reason like that. I think that is selfish. Also, adoption is a thing and not only that, but it is an AMAZING thing! Have people forgotten about adoption or are they just thick?
3. Overpopulation and Alternatives to Labor
   This reason is specifically pointed at why I will never have biological children.
   Not only is overpopulation very real and very dangerous for the world and the environment at large, but adoption exists. There are parent-less children all over the world who would absolutely love to be adopted, but, for some reason, people prefer to have one of their own. It’s like people have some odd fascination with how their genetic offspring will look/behave and they’re willing to go to as great a length as bringing a life into this world to see it through. Am I the only one who finds this extremely morbid? Anyway, if I ever change completely and become the person who I think is loving and responsible enough to be a mother, I would certainly adopt over having children of my own.
4. Pregnancy and Labor
   Honestly, do I need to say more?
   I feel like the only reason women want to be pregnant or want to give birth is because of the social indoctrination we experience as we grow up. “Childbirth is amazing”. “Childbirth is a miracle”. “Pregnant women just have that glow”. And, for some sick reason, there is this disgusting idea floating through women’s minds that they are “less of a woman” by not being able to be pregnant or give natural birth.
   To me, pregnancy and labor seem like a horror show the way they tear apart someone’s body, make them sick, and often leave them physically changed after giving birth. It’s like a fucking Saw movie to me. And, I know this is probably an unpopular opinion, but if I became pregnant and safe abortion was not an option for me, I would have an unsafe abortion. It’s just the thought of giving birth makes me want to rip off my fingernails at the root.

I think that about covers it.
I like children, or, at least, I like most children. I like how they can be altruistic because they haven’t yet learned that it can be used for selfish gain. I like how they often know they know nothing– unlike most adults. I like how they live so presently and without worry, so they don’t become cold and withdrawn. I like kids, but, unfortunately, they are destined to become people and we all know how I feel about people.