19w2d in Baby Stuff, Part 3

She’s a very active little thing! I feel her moving around all the time, and she loves to really stretch out and kick around when I’m laying down still, on my back.

At the ultrasound she was estimated to be between 10 and 12 ounces already. Getting big!

I think we decided on a name: Maeve. We’ll see if it sticks.

I’m feeling kind of down today. I just don’t really have a very supportive folks in my life. I don’t have a relationship with my dad (he’s mostly toxic) and I don’t have much of one with my mom because she mostly just talks about how much she hates her life and uses me as a therapist, which I’m not comfortable with, so I tend to keep my distance. I’m not very close with anyone else in my family or James’s. I’m close with my twin, but she is usually just kind of in her own little world. No one asks me about the baby, or asks me how I’m doing, or acknowledges the pregnancy. I guess since it’s the third, it’s not as exciting to people… which is understandable. It feels like James, me, and the older kids are the only people who are truly excited.

I just read all of these posts on Reddit or something and their family is going to come stay and help when they have the baby, or plan a baby shower, or they’re excited, or they get emotional over the pregnancy news. I don’t get any of that. It’s hard. I sometimes struggle with feeling like people outside of James really care about me but it’s even more difficult when it’s your child.

My family was never like this with my other two, so I don’t know why I’m so sad over it today. I guess sometimes it just hits me. And my first two kids have their dad’s parents that dote on them, and James’s parents interact with them and include them in everything, and they’re taking all the kids to a play in December… so all of that stuff is nice. I guess I’m just feeling left out, in a way. I know that really the only thing that matters is that the kids, James, and I are excited and looking forward to the baby but I still can’t help but feel sad.

Last updated November 13, 2017