Laying in bed... in Fresh Start...

I’m laying in bed. It’s cold, even with a blanket. Temp dropped yesterday. According to my phone it’s 41 outside currently.

I took the dogs out this morning and fed the pigs then laid down again. Then one dog started coughing and another started eating randomness off the floor, which means he has an upset tummy and is trying to make himself throw up. So I took them back out and let him eat some grass etc and got him some kaopectate. He’s feeling better and curled up under the blanket now.

I was laying here watching Mamma Mia and I know I cried a couple of times. I haven’t talked to F. I’ve been avoiding him as best I can. But that doesn’t stop my brain from daydreaming and thinking about him nearly constantly. It’s terrible. And at this point I don’t really have anyone to talk to about it. They’ve heard it all before. I just want him back. I have to stop.

In other news, I’ve been talking to V but not really hanging out with him. He started backing off a bit so I knew he was talking to someone else. I don’t really care, but after I asked him about it he claimed that he’d told this other girl all about me and she wasn’t jealous etc. I feel like that’s a lie, but I told him I didn’t care and he shouldn’t not get serious with this other girl because he’s waiting around on me. I asked him if he wanted to get a beer with me last night but he got all tongue tied and I’m like if you’re busy just say you’re busy. So I knew he had plans with other chick and today she tagged him in a fb post. So yeah, I’m going to leave him alone and let him be happy.

JM came over Thursday night and made me dinner. It was nice and really yummy. I feel bad because even though we talked about it, I know he’s all wrapped up in me when he shouldn’t be. Yeah, he’s gotten better in bed as time has gone on, but he’s still not good and he rarely gets off and he just sweats all over me and I feel like he’s going to die or break my bed… it’s just not good. He’s nice, but I’m just not into him. But sometimes I’d rather have the company than be alone.