Currently. in Who I Am

Woke up at 5 am, my phone blown up by dudes I sent nudes to last night. Got to love what happens to my lonely, PM self. Whatevs.
Alex finally snapped me back, told me I was lookin fine. Tell me something I don’t know please. (JK I’m not that full of myself) But I did have like four people tell me yesterday that I look really really good (and not just the dudes I sent nudes to, lmao)
Currently listening to Stick Figure and smoking a joint while I have my morning coffee. It’s now almost 6 am and my alarm isn’t supposed to go off for another hour. It’s cool. I’ve learned to accept my anxiety as it comes and just go with it. The flows. It helps my anxiety level go wayyy down if I just get up and start my day, rather than layin in bed thinkin about it.

26… This is what it looks like. I guess it could be worse.

Oh. My. Lord. My friend C has been getting on my fuckin nerves. I started a small business with her (which I’m already regretting quite a bit). This girl is an only child with a higher anxiety level than myself. She is quite needy, point blank. She is also a sweet sweet soul, who genuinely cares. It is veryyy conflicting and thus hard to deal with.

This week she PMTFO bc I told her I was pretty busy yet she’s found a way into my plans nearly every day this week.
The other night for example, she calls me and I tell her I don’t have training after work but that I absolutely need to go to the gym because of a diet bet I’m trying to win and the deadline is the end of this weekend. She says “what time are you tryin to go” and im just like “6”
Wouldn’t you know it, 6:30 rolls around, shes STILL at my apartment, loading a fresh bowl, and has made no indication that she is leaving anytime soon. I look over at her like “I gotta go dude, its already kinda late I don’t wanna take my preworkout super late or else I wont sleep”

“Can you just not take your preworkout”
Translation: Can you just not meet your goals so that I can be satisfied by the fact that you’re spending your time with me.
So I was like “dude, no.”
Then it becomes “can I just stay here (at my apartment) and make wax melts?”
Immediately I can tell this is going to be an issue. She’s going to make me feel obligated to leave the entire time I’m at the gym, bc shes at my apartment alone.
I tell her yes anyway, because I’m a dumbass.
And FUCKING TWENTY SIX MINUTES into being on the elliptical. Preworkout basically kicking in.

“How much longer, out of curiousity?”
JESUS!!!! I fuckin knew it man. I fucking KNEW.
SO I leave the gym. Come home, to her laying on the fuckin couch and not making wax melts at all. Just smoking weed. Fuck. You.

I’m like dude I wanna shower and go to bed. it’s been a long fuckin day.
At this point, my friend Dallas is also texting me like “hey I just left my Subaru meet and im in the area, just picked up and I wanna smoke you out for your bday still”

So im like cool, ill just shower and C will leave, and by the time she’s gone It’ll be perfect timing to smoke quick with Dallas and go to bed.

NOPE. C takes LITERALLY FOR FUCKING EVER to get her shit together and leave, like almost 20 minutes. I’ve got my shower on to indicate that she needs to get the fuck out.

Then because she’s taken SO LONG, Dallas knocks on my door. I’m pissed as fuck because I wanted to be showered and done with my gym grossness by like 7pm, and here it was almost 10 and I still hadn’t gotten to shower, all because of C being annoying and fuckin needy as fuck.

She gives me this dirty ass fuckin look, like I’m ditching her. Shes rude as fuck to my friend and says ‘Ill see you later then…” and leaves.

FUCKING YES FINALLY YOU LEAVE. But then of course I’m made to feel guilty, because I made her leave so I could hang with another friend, when I told her I was just going to bed.
But I don’t owe her any of that! I don’t owe this chick an explanation for my time, I don’t owe that to fucking anybody!!! She was only supposed to be there from 4-6 and she WAY overstayed the welcome.
I find myself apologizing.
Then she goes “just be real with me next time”

GIRL. You don’t want me to be real with you. You wouldn’t be friends with me anymore.

okay that’s not entirely true, I am real with her most of the time. but this girl CANNOT take social cues.

and last night, she needled her way into my plans with my girl Syd and my sister. I show up to the place with juice stop for me, my sister, and Syd. None for C, because I didn’t know C was gonna be there.

C looks obviously incensed that there isn’t one for her. I offer her a sip of mine. Really bitchily she goes “…no thanks”

Fuck you then. You’re missing out. I hate that petty shit.
I’m gonna try to avoid her for the entirety of the weekend. Preferably until next weekend. Preferably until next year.
I just need a break dude. She is so emotionally and mentally draining of a person. She is fueled by everyones energy, and we all die.

Last updated October 27, 2017