Bisexual explorations in Mental Health, 2017

I’ve been sort of in a mood today, so what better time to write. So I had to look back to see where I last left off. My last entry stated that I had just had my last appt with my therapist before she left the clinic and my hubby was about to leave and fly back to Michigan, where his father was supposedly on his death bed from brain cancer and he (my hubby) was going to take care of his mom for the foreseeable future.

Therapist update: no update. She said she’d be starting at her new place in 1-2 months after she left the clinic and my last appt with her was sept 29th so it hasn’t even been a month yet. I plan on contacting her new place mid-November to see if she’s started yet.

Hubby update: he lasted exactly one week in MI before he couldn’t take it any longer and came back. His mom more or less tricked him into coming home by exaggerating the severity of his father’s condition. His father isn’t on his deathbed, but he’s definitely making the lives of those around him absolutely miserable. His parents house is a health code violation of sorts. James said the house would be condemened if a health inspector stepped in it. His sister can’t bring her 1-yr-old daughter to their house because it’s not safe for a toddler. James flew to MI on a saturday, laid down some tough love words of advice (aka get your shit together enough that your grand-daughter can at least visit) and then made plans to fly out that Saturday.

Meanwhile, up until that Thursday, I’d been under the impression that he’d be in Michigan taking care of his mom for the foreseeable future while his dad was dying. His dad is still alive, btw. So I had some time for…exploration. Let me start by saying this: I’d never cheat on my husband with another man. That said, I did have sexual relations with another woman. Do I regret it? No. I’ve been curious for quite awhile now and I NEEDED to know. This particular woman I had made out with before [very publicly] at the gay bar when I went out with some teammates. She is not on the team but she’s mutual friends with a lot of people who are on the team. Then while my hubby was gone for what I thought was gonna be like…a long ass time…like I thought it was gonna be the beginning of a separation..we decided to meet up, just the two of us, for dinner. One thing led to another and then yeah, more than just making out. I’ll spare you the details unless you specially request to hear all about female on female sexual relations. Deal?

I did come to the conclusion that I had anticipated: I definitely got some bi going on inside of me. I have not met up with her since then. It was the following day that James texted and said he couldn’t stand being at home with his family anymore and would be flying back in a matter of a few days. She understands my situation. She wants to hook up again but I just don’t see it happenening again in the near future.

I started taking lithium at the suggestion of my therapist during that last meeting (which was right before the hubby left and my “sexual exploration”). So she doesn’t know about any of that yet. The lithium is a wonderful mood stabilizer and A LOT quicker acting than your traditional SSRIs that you need to take 4-6 weeks before they start working. Weight gain was supposed to be a side effect, but so far so good.

I do need to write one more entry soon about the weight issues as that is also starting to resurface. I didn’t think it was noticeable but then someone passively agressively called me out on it yesterday and it’s been bugging me since. But this entry is long enough and filled with enough juicy details for the moment.

Until next time… <3