Birthday things in Who I Am

So I Turned 26 yesterday. Friday night I hung with my friend Lauren and we got stoned and had some ice cream at a local creamery downtown, v. delish.
After she left I went to this dudes house, that was cool. I did some blow for the first time in years, and stayed up way too late fuckin around. 8 am is when I think my head hit the pillow. Well, for the last time heheh.

Had to work at 3 Saturday, showed up way too stoned and my brain was all fucked up, rightfully so. Trudged through it, then went to a birthday bonfire that night at my sister’s friend Nicole’s new place. The bonfire was really a firepit in their driveway haha but still a good time. I got semi drunk and stole a sweater from walmart.

Sunday I had to open and work til 3, but I didn’t care bc I had plans to see Alex after work. Which I did :)
I contemplated the entire time he was on his way telling him how I feel. But I chickened out. I don’t want to scare him away. What if he just needs more time? What if I need more time..is what it really is? I mean our situation does work out okay for both of us. If he WAS my boyfriend, he would still be 45 minutes away in L and I would still only see him once a week probably. Is that really what I want to get into? A long distance relationship? (it’s not THAT far..but still)
My thing is, I wish he would invite me out to L. Not that I particularly like driving. Idk. I feel like it would bring us closer for me to go up to his hood. But its whatever I guess I don’t mind too much.
He put in a new headlight for my car, and paid for it <3
He dropped it on me after we went out for a nice sushi dinner that he had to go because he worked the next morning early :( I understand, and it was nice that he came out to see me, period. But it made me sad. I wanted to beg him not to go. But that’s pathetic. So he left, and I sat here sulking. Like 10 ish minutes go by and I hear a knock on the door.

I answer and it’s Alex. Instantly my brain goes a million miles a minute. he’s here to profess his love for you ,hes here just to kiss you again!!

Nope. Forgot his sunglasses. But I still got one more kiss of those delicious lips.

God. He’s so good in bed.

Right before he left he asked me when I was free next, so I guess that’s always good. He always wants to see me again.

I miss him. I feel like I didn’t get near as much time with him as I wanted and that makes me sad. I guess I should just be glad I got to see him on my birthday.

I hate self doubt! I don’t wanna wait too long because I want him to know that I’m interested so he doesn’t get serious with anyone else. Because DDAAAMNNN do I want him. SO bad. He’s tall, and handsome, and that fuckin smile. He rocks my world.

I would almost even be cool with an open relationship with him. I just want him always, ya know? He is just iiiiiit! He’s so cool and sweet and friendly.

I think I’m gonna try to not text him though because that definitely worked last time. Fuckin boys, I tell you what!

God. damn. I know how this game works, I don’t know why I act so surprised when it gets like this lol T swift told me that boys only want love if its torture. I should know T swift Is right.

I for real need to get my life together this week haha it was truly a crazy weekend for me, I haven’t done shit like that in years. I felt 19 again that’s for sure. It was wild, but I’m 100% cool with my routine of just work and gym and not perpetual states of being fucked up. I can’t believe I used to do that stuff ALL THE TIME.

Wiiiild man. Wild.
All in all, it was a good birthday and a good year!

Here’s to 26!

Last updated October 23, 2017