Home in The First Life

  • Oct. 16, 2017, 1:09 a.m.
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  • Public

I’ve been laying here, eyes open, wondering if now is the time to lay these words out.
My head is spinning, but I think my heart knew.
There he was with a smile that hasn’t changed. A lightness ignited within me.
There’s this feeling I get when I’m by the ocean. This lost, and endless, and awake feeling.
That’s his soul. His soul is an ocean.
I didn’t feel like I was playing off track in that moment. It just seems like I was missing a piece that made me make more sense.. And there it was. It felt like home… which I haven’t known in so long. I guess after a while you forget how that feels.
I could barely see his face for the hours we spoke. A dying fire to our backs and the stars ahead of us. I find it all so funny. I can’t count the number of times we’ve reconnected by fire . It all felt so right. And I wasn’t afraid of the morning. It came too fast but I didn’t fear the idea of losing his presence. The fire lingered for hours and I clumsily danced around throwing twigs in, in hopes of keeping it alive, but I don’t think I needed to. I knew the stars would be drowned out by the sun, but they’ll be back. My soul is not lost to him, and although his is tangled and quick moving, it will always find me. Maybe not when I want, but it isnt lost for good.
As the morning came, and the sun fought the night for its moment of light, I knew I’d have to close my eyes soon. My head and heart brimming with desire.
I opened my arms to him and found him holding me closer, and longer, than expected. I felt his hand on the back of my head and I can’t even explain how full my heart was. I could melt in that moment a thousand times over and it would never feel less full or less high up.

There will never be words to describe these things. But I’ll always try


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