As an insomniac, I often have conversations with my brain once the sun goes down and I am lying in bed for the evening. I run lists through my head, I remind myself of things that I need to remember for the following day (I still manage to forget these things for some unknown reason). Of course, my brain loves to respond to my nighttime ramblings with “Remember this person from the 2nd grade, I wonder what they are doing” or “here’s a memory of your ex husband/ex boyfriend/ friend turned enemy”. I have always questioned why these random thoughts pop into my head as I am trying to remind myself to clean the litter box in the morning or that I should really bake those cookies I planned on baking. My lively brain picks the most awkward moment to sling these memories of things I would rather forget. I also find it rather odd that my subconscious and brain gang up on me while I sleep for those 2 or 3 hours per night. Here I am drifting off to dreamland to dance with the sandman and BAM! out of nowhere I’m confronted with some guy I dated 15 years ago. It’s really awkward when it turns into a sex dream and I honestly can’t stand this person. So much fun. <note the="" sarcasm="" here="">. I have also noticed that when I have to per and I’m asleep, every bathroom I encounter is the most terrifying bathroom my brain can dream up. I seriously hope the truly disgusting and filthy bathrooms I dream about don’t actually exist in people’s homes because someone would have to be beyond the point of hoarder, they would have to the be bridge troll type who fears water and collects nastiness to have a bathroom that disgusting. I understand my brain is reminding me that I can’t per while I’m asleep because I would obviously be wetting the bed if I decided to actually use one of these vile bathrooms instead of holding it and eventually waking up to actually go per in a CLEAN bathroom. It is still weird though. I learned in a psychology class that the faces we see in our dreams are actual faces we have encountered throughout our lives. I think I would remember encountering someone with a face that was melted and blistering. I also wonder about the terrifying nightmares I had as a small child. I dreamed of the type of creatures that one would associate with demonic figures in Hollywood movies, but they were far more terrifying. I am pretty certain I would remember encountering a demonic creature as well.... unless of course they were the creatures that zapped me into existence.
I realize I am rambling, but I am hopeful that by putting this out there, it doesn’t run through my mind as I am trying to fall asleep tonight. I have very strange dreams. Most don’t happen here on Earth and I have no idea what planets I am on while dreaming because I have never been to another planet (That I know of). See, these planets have multiple moons or the grass isn’t like grass one would see here on Earth, it’s fuzzy or spiky and definitely not green. I dream in crazy vivid colors. Last time I paid attention to the grass in a dream, it had fur and it was purple. Reds are the most vivid and blues are harder to distinguish because the overall tone of my dreams is a bluish haze. It is rarely daylight and almost always nighttime. I can fly without effort, but I tend to fall from really great heights and forget that I can fly because I am of course, falling towards my death. I have also noticed that I can breathe under water and while thw flying is definitely abnormal to my dream self, breathing under water is never shocking to my dream self. One dream I actually told someone, who was trying to kill me, “you can’t drown me, I can breathe under water”. So flying is a shocker, but being fish-like is perfectly normal. Go figure. I also talk in my sleep and if someone who is awake starts talking to me, I get annoyed, but end up responding to their questions with random nonsense that leaves them either laughing hysterically or asking me more questions, which in turn annoys my dream self evwn further, and they hear more random nonsense. I am thankful that I do not narrate my dreams like my youngest child does. He speaks clearly and perfectly narrates his dreams almost as if he is speaking every character’s lines from a script for a play. He has no idea he does this. From what I understand, it is actually rare for someone to dream in color. However, everyone I have asked dreams in color. I have of course asked them how they know they dream in color and I am always told that they specifically remember something because of the color of it. I would love to encounter someone who dreams in black and white. Now, where was I.... oh yes, dreams. Another thing I have noticed my brain loves to do while I am dreaming, is to return me to houses I lived in as a child or sometimes to a house I have never seen before. I have also encountered glitches. I will dream about someone and the dream will be extremely memorable. I don’t know the person, but the dream and their face sticks in my memory vividly like a photograph. Then, I meet the dream person. Or, I will dream of a place I have never been and then I end up in this place later in life. It’s like dejavu, but I have never been to the place because I have never been to that state until that moment. Very odd glitches. It’s like being in fast forward for a moment and then right back at play where you were. The human brain is a very strange thing. I have had a sudden feeling of terror just as someone I love was about to walk out the door to go to work or to the store. I freak out. Keep them home as long as possible, and once they do finally head towards their destination they encounter an accident that happened while I had them trapped by my sudden panic. Now, this is a much more rare occurrence, but it has happened multiple times throughout my life. One of those moments of terror, I didn’t manage to keep that person from danger. (That’s in a previous posting of my random thoughts) I think we are all connected on an almost magnetic level. We can sense danger, but we are taught to ignore those feelings or they are labeled as anxiety or fear and we stop paying attention unless it is extreme. I still pay attention.
Another nifty thing about the human brain, we can distinguish between the sound of a bird chirping and the sound of a cat meowing. Yet, we no longer pay attention to these sounds unless, for example, the cat needs food or the bird is chirping and we are trying to sleep. I am reminded by a very haunting sound I heard recently, which is one of those sounds that both gets ignored or annoys. It was the sound of an insect rubbing it’s legs together. I can’t remember if it was a grasshopper/locust/or cricket, but someone got this genius idea to slow it down, and I mean really slow it down. It is a haunting sound and almost perfect harmony. It sounds almost angelic. Yet, it’s one of those annoying sounds when one is inside your home randomly chirping and you cannot find it.
If you want to hear another haunting sound, look up the video of a slice of tree played on a record player. Definitely a haunting sound. We as humans are oblivious because our brains have been programmed to shut out the world except for the tiny sections that compromise our daily lives. For example, when my children were younger, about toddler age, other people’s screaming children didn’t phase me. I could understand what small children, who had just the beginning of speech skills developed, were saying to me when they spoke. Now, I cringe at the sound of a child throwing a temper tantrum in the grocery store and I cannot for the life of me tell you what your child just drooled at me. Why did this change so drastically? Is this how people without kids experience other people’s kids? I’m truly curious. Now that mine are all grown aside from my you heat who is 2 years from adulthood, I cannot handle small childrwn. They are obnoxious, gross, and oh so loud. Now, it may just be that these children I am encountering have absolutely no discipline, but I don’t want to be anywhere near them. I definitely dont want them in my home.
Still rambling. I know. Have you ever noticed that no matter what time it is, you will always be able to find one of the following shows airing, law and order, csi, ncis, and all of the off branches of these shows. They are seriously always on at least one channel no matter what time it is. No wonder the current versions have such good ratings, insomniacs get hooked because nothing else is on and they watch all the off branches of these shows and the current season.
Okay, I am finished rambling on and on about nothing. Maybe this time, I will be able to continue posting updated entries and not completely forget about it until months or years later.
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