'Round and 'round those thoughts go in Everyday life

I made an impromptu trip to the old haunts last weekend to visit friends. I’d been down that way in April, but after canceling a recent trip to South Carolina (more on that here) I had a flight voucher to use within 60 days. It was a quick, easy journey.

I left on Thursday and only decided to get the plane ticket Wednesday, yet it was still wicked cheap. I reached out on short notice to a few of my friends who I wanted to see down that way, maybe we could grab a beer or something.

I also reached out to Crush.

Background: She left here earlier this year and moved there, but I hadn’t contacted her last time I was in the area. If you want to brush up on the reasons, delve into the archives. I’m too lazy to link up now.

Lately, me and Crush have been in more indirect contact (she likes a tweet of mine, I retweet her; ugh, social media, I know). It’s nothing major, but I figured it wouldn’t hurt to see if she wanted to grab a drink. She is, first and foremost, someone I really respect and admire.

I messaged her and she was game. We met up Thursday after she got off work. I let her choose the spot, and we stayed out for about three hours at the bar chatting and drinking. We hugged at the end of it and went our separate ways.

On Friday, plans for the night with a good friend originally were for Spot A, close to where I was staying. That morning, we called an audible, and settled on another spot – near where Crush works.

Crush had messaged me Thursday night afterward saying she had fun. I had yet to respond, so I did so early Friday and mentioned we’d be a couple blocks away.

She’d been thinking about swinging by there anyway, she said, so she’d see about coming by.

Me and my good friend ran into another friend, someone I hadn’t seen in a few years and was super excited to see, while we were out. About three hours after we initially show up, Crush comes by post-work.

All of us except one closed down the joint, then headed home. Crush offered to let me jump in her cab (or maybe I asked if I could? She could’ve said no, right? She is wicked polite, though.) as I was on the way to her place.

As the cab let me out I tried to give her a quick peck on the lips, which she coolly brushed off. I was quite inebriated when I tried this move, so I kind of hope she chalked that up to me being ridiculous. She did message me again when she got home, saying she had fun that night too. She didn’t have to, and it was reassuring she did.

Of course I chatted with my friends when she did the obligatory drink run, and they all approved. They said there might be something there. I’m the worst at this. Who knows.

There are a bunch of emotions swirling in my head at the moment. As a close friend of mine asked me via text today, “do you like her or do you like the idea of her?” (My emphasis, not my friend’s.)

At the least Crush enjoys hanging out with me, even if I was one of her few social options this weekend (she’s still settling in there). I was hoping she’d come out the second night, and then pleasantly surprised when she did so.

I pride myself on being somewhat emotionally perceptive. I can tell she’s the type that does not love clingy folk. She likes her space. I do want to keep in contact, but I don’t want to be a pest.

This whole trip has also made me again think about returning to the old haunts. Not merely because of Crush, although I would enjoy if she were in my friend circle (even platonically). I truly enjoyed seeing all the people I ran into over a two-day trip. Before I moved back here, I felt like I finally was settling in somewhere and I felt like I had a good core of people with whom I could spend time. My dad got sick and I moved home. He’s been gone for three years now. I go between wanting to move back there and doing something I want, and sticking around here and being the responsible only child and remaining active in my mom’s life. For what it’s worth, she’s horrible with money and sometimes I worry about her cognitive skills, but I also feel like I can’t always make myself second.

Lots of stuff to process in the coming days and weeks. Main question: I can’t tell if this is all a manic high or the way I feel. I’d say B, but who knows.

Last updated September 27, 2017