9/25 in --

Today I am focused.

My car was done, but I took an Uber to pick it up. $300. Plus another $100 to get the alignment fixed (I spent almost $2,000 last year after I hit a curb, but I guess it’s still not completely fixed…). Ouch.

My daughter’s fever is gone! My cold is nearly gone too!

I finished a statistics test last night, and a presentation I have to give today for class. I need to go over my reading because I can’t remember anything I read recently from the chaos that’s been going on.

Yesterday I had the kids write Halloween stories (Target has these adorable haunted house and pumpkin shaped blank books for like $3 each for a pack of six). Cannon’s story was about how he saved a cat. He wrote the words himself! Lorelei’s story was a bunch of scribbles. We also painted pumpkins yesterday. It was a good distraction from the stress.

I think James should be home tomorrow or the day after. He seems to be doing okay, so I don’t think he will need to stay for long. I am just… really, really hoping it’s tomorrow.

I feel worn out and exhausted. But I have class today from 5pm to 10pm. I just want to sleep.

I will get through work this week. Then there’s a wedding on Saturday. Then there’s a guest staying with us. Then Portland, OR next week.

I’ve decided that I want to get better at forgiveness. I’m not very good at it. I have to be if I want to stay in a happy marriage. We both very much want and need that. I need to put in more work that will actually do something good.

I’ve also learned that I am strong and I can get myself through anything. I’ve done it for so long, and I have to continue to do it. It’s my only option. It’s okay if I cry through it or feel bad. Toughing it out doesn’t mean I can’t have emotions. I’m allowed to.

I’m fiercely determined. I think that’s a good thing.

Last updated September 25, 2017