I Just Don't Know... in Fresh Start...

I don’t know how I feel.

Then again I’m really trying to just not feel anything. I haven’t talked to him in like a week. He’s off Wednesdays and Thursdays and he took this past Tuesday off. He walked in as I was walking out on Friday and he said “what’s up” to me and another girl. I didn’t say a word. After, the other chick said “that’s cold” but she meant it in a good way.

I’ve been avoiding most everyone at work. I tried to talk to M on Thursday and he basically just yelled at me so I walked off and I’m done.

Wednesday was F’s birthday. I didn’t ever text him or say anything about his birthday. It hurts because on my birthday we woke up in bed together and the first words put of his mouth were happy birthday. And it was just so incredibly sweet. I’m crying just thinking about it. We’d only been seeing each other a week.

On Wednesday I had to get out of the house, so I let V take me out… otherwise I would have texted F. I also let V come over yesterday and cut my grass and weedeat. I took him to dinner after.

My weekend has been fucked up. I went to get Indian food with JM on Friday. He stayed the night after. Woke up in the middle of the night to my dog squalling. I thought he’d just moved funny and aggravated his pinched nerve, so go back to sleep. He squalled again at some point but again thought pinched nerve. Wake up at 6:45 to blood stains on the bed… comforter, pillows, sheets… it was gross. My dog was bleeding from his butt. So got up and took him to the emergency vet since my regular vet was on vacation. He had an anal gland abscess thing rupture. So they had to put him under and clean it out good and he’s on antibiotics and pain pills. It cost $217 And I didn’t get home til like 2pm.

Then V was over cutting grass. I was outside for a little bit and burned some stuff… now my ankles are covered in chigger bites. Then after dinner when I went to feed the upstairs cats I find that the upstairs a.c. isn’t working… check and it’s froze up… wonderful.

So now I’m laying in bed waiting on a call from the a.c. people and avoiding doing anything. My ex hubby is supposed to be coming over… I need to take trash to the dump and go buy pig and goat food and I need to wash my vehicle… at least it’s all fairly close to the house because I have no idea when the a.c. people will call saying they’re on their way.

I dunno… I feel like I’m slightly taking advantage of V, but then again he knows the situation but I think I’m giving him false hope.