Expecting too much in Who I Am

So that dude that came over last night (J) told me he didn’t wanna scare me but he really liked me and wouldn’t mind seeing this go somewhere.
Why does this happen to me. Why. The dude I wanna have stay a fuck buddy wants to be my boyfriend and then this other guy I like…cant stop thinking about doesn’t really seem so into it anymore.

So Alex ended up texting me last night finally. AT LIKE ALMOST 1 AM. He said “I had a lot of fun too! :) ”

Ughhhhh. I just picture him smiling and my heart becomes stupid mush. And I do mean STUPID mush lol god dammit. This is all my fuckin fault and I have no one to blame but myself. I just didn’t think he would disappoint me. But that’s how it goes isn’t it?

I haven’t responded and I might not. But what if he doesn’t ever message me again? That kind of makes me really sad… I thought we were really getting along well. But like.. its okay. I know ultimately its okay.

In other news, today was annoying and stupid. Just work shit. I’m annoyed that I made plans with like four people and basically everyone fell through. I’m annoyed that I wanted to go get laid and I could have but instead I was sitting here fukin SULKING practically, and waiting for people who were never gonna come.

I guess I’ll just wait and leave the ball in Alex’s court. I told him how I felt about his dopeness lol. Maybe I’ll just let him come to me. I’m not one to pine after someone. So I wont. I’ll be silently sad, and complain about my feels here. Lovely. :)