Anxiety up the bitch in Who I Am

I’m stressing about him not texting me back. WHY. Why should I fucking care.
I just don’t get it man. We had such an awesome day together, and when he left he was telling me he thought he had the 24th off, which I assumed meant he wanted to see me again. He kept calling me sexy, putting his arm around me.

But very clearly, he’s not as into me as I interpreted. Why wouldn’t you text someone back when they told you they thought you were really dope? I wasn’t like “hey I really really like you and we should be together”.

As much as I hate to admit it, it’s fucking me up a little bit.

Sigh. I’m gonna try to distract myself. I kinda wanna go get a drink but I’m broke. And I know I’m just depressed so I shouldn’t drink. It’s been a weird day for me. I never drink.

I’ve just been sitting here scrolling through tinder, tryin to get my mind off of it. him.
smoking weed hasn’t helped. watching tv, working out helped a little.

I have a dude coming over later. He’s pretty into me so that should help boost my confidence quite a bit. TBH I feel a little better already lol
And honestly if this is really him ghosting me, FUCK him lol I’m a dope ass bitch, I have goals, and im only getting better. if you don’t want this then you are missing out! I know it sounds arrogant but goddammit ive earned this confidence and I work fuckin hard for it!!! I lifted more today with my legs than I have ever before.

Also Im pretty sure that dude who approached me at the gym yesterday was kinda checking me out while I was working out. which sucks for me because im sure its unappealing as fucckkk lmao

whatever, im not at the gym for anyone but myself.

GOD I wish I had this confidence and self love action when I was like 16. Oh well. It feels better that its earned, it just sucks all the pain that had to happen to get to this point!
It’s crazy. in a month I turn 26.
Shit. Mindblowing.
Fuck. I gotta get my own health insurance. time to cut on some luxuries. goodbye monthly massages, how ive loved you!