Aren’t phones the best and the worst? I’m sitting here waiting for him to text me back. From SEVEN this morning. My guess is he either forgot I texted him since it was so early…or hes ghosting me.

I really hope he’s not ghosting me. This is what I get for catching feelings so quickly. Lesson learned, my bad. I’m trying to just talk myself down from it all because its NOT that big of a deal. I mean yeah I liked him, and he seemed so perfect and he was sooo cute and yummy.

But this morning I texted him that I had fun with him Wednesday and that I hoped he had fun too because I thought he was really dope.

And he hasn’t responded. It’s been like eight hours.

I really don’t think that what I said was like.. coming on too strong or anything. But SO MUCH of me is like “eh. whatever. ” Realistically, this was a hookup turned crush and me expecting anything more is kinda silly. I mean for all I know HES in an open relationship too and that’s why he comes to O to see me and I never go to L.

See this shit? My mind is reeling. for nothing. ive never been able to think so clearly before when it comes to guys. so rationally. what happened to me hahahaha.

jaded ?

Its probably for the best. I don’t need to be jumping into any type of commitment right now, I need to commit to myself.

Plus, I still have Tyler! And he’s sweet with me. I know exactly what that relationship is and it doesn’t stress me out in the slightest!

I guess I just wish other people were as straightforward with me. It would really honestly be cool if he just responded like “hey, I really like spending time with you, but im worried youre catching feelings and I just want this to be like casual”
I would be SO fine with that.
But I think its the silence that kills me. the ghosting.
But ive definitely ghosted someone before. maybe this is my karma. boooo lol no fun.

Oh yeah, and the ex came over last night to pick up the rest of his shit. he tried to make a move on me but I stopped anything from happening. I’m sorry but if you didn’t want me then, why do you want me now? Im not desperate for just any companionship. I think I’m still hurt, but now that I’m older it’s felt in a deeper, more intimate way.

TMI NEXT PARAGRAPH

Full disclosure, I usually orgasm pretty quickly. Always have.
But its been like… a week. And I’ve been fucking like a rabbit.
I cant even when I’m alone. And I ALWAYS can make myself atleast.

I’ve also had some irregular bleeding. I think I just need to see my gynecologist.

TMI OVER

I’m in such a weird mood.
That’s life I guess. I’m gonna get high, clean a little, and then go to the gym and burn some of this anxiety and fat off my body. turn up right? #Fridaynight