Ano Diet: Day11 in Diet and exercise.

Day11

Current weight ?

Current mood:

Current time: 8:00AM

Calorie limit: 150

Food consumed: 1 Onigiri 150cal

Total: 150

So begins my week without a weigh in, i'm going to try to not be disappointed or lose determination even if i weigh the same as my last weigh in after this week. I guess i need to not focus on rushing and just know as long as i control my calorie intake and exercise routine i can only be heading in 1 direction. I have realised i've been a lot more snappy and less patient with people recently, i suppose the smoking will help with that side effect and cease my moody bitchy mood which kind of convulses every so often.

I've been at it again, making more sushi. Not doing the dishes afterwards as usual which got me into trouble.

I've been acting like a naughty 15 year old all today and yesterday, sneaking out to have cigarettes, lying through my teeth to my mother that I'm not smoking again even though she can probably smell it on me. We're going the gym later today at 10pm, it's 24 hour so i guess you can stay aslong as you like :3. You're supposed to do an induction but there is none until the 5th of February so we will go over and see if we're ok to use equipment without it.

Since we are going the gym i decided to eat some protein and carbs so i don't like die while working out! I know that puts me over my daily limit, yet again but this time it's mainly so i can get the most from working out; i threw most of it up anyway for some reason. I am well and truely annoyed, i sat from 4pm to 10pm doing nothing with my day, i promised myself i wouldn't exercise so i could go the gym; turns out as soon as 10pm rolled by Sean claimed he couldn't find anything to wear and the whole thing was called off. De-motivated isn't even the word. I guess this goes to show everyone is the same, everyone has some sick obsession with using me as a doormat and having me wait around for countless hours just to ditch me at the last second or make other plans. I'm always the guy who is second in line and i'm always sloppy seconds. Sean stopped being a decent friend the moment pussy arrived on the scene, i don't understand why i bothered to look at him like the sun shines out of his arse since everytime a girl is in his life he's just like everyone else.

fuck, i'm so naive to even bother with people. I went for a jog as soon as he said he wasn't going but i was so annoyed i ended up just stopping at the steps and sitting at the edge of the river looking at the stars and even watched the ferry go by as i inhaled copious amounts of tobacco smoke. My mum was right, i'm such a pushover, i let people treat me like their property and get no respect. He told me not to be a "Mardy arse" and obviously doesn't understand how much of my day he wasted, i even consumed extra calories just for going the gym so for the next few days i'm going to fucking starve. My first idea was to cut for some reason, it seemed like such a reasonable option until i went out and cleared my head. Seem's like an overreaction but everything that's happened lately has been piling up from the dog passing away to my brother going jail.

I feel lonely again, and it's awful. What am i supposed to do with this pathetic life?