More on Counseling 7/16/2002
The other morning when my mother was driving me to camp, she started off by saying, "Artist, before you jump down my throat, just hear out my suggestion." The suggestion was that I attend professional counseling sessions at Binghamton to keep me from bouncing off the walls. I totally agreed. I've given serious thought to going to a psychologist for a long time, but I never had the guts to ask my parents.
That morning, my group leader, Heather, was telling us about her fiance. He's twenty-four, incredibly rich, is getting married in December, and is suffering from clinical depression. He's on something called Luvox, which is one of the strongest anti-depressants on the market. I'm not sure if I'm actually clinically depressed, but I know I'm not happy. I haven't been truly happy in awhile. When I'm at school I just want to be home, and when I'm home, I'm worrying about school, or med school admissions, or my job.
To others, I say that I transferred to Bing because Binghamton has the better science program. (Which is a small part of the reason, but not the main one). My family are the only ones who know that I transferred because of my severe homesickness and inability to adjust to college life. In Binghamton, I have the option of coming home every other weekend, or every weekend, depending on how I am. (Hooray for the 'escape buses!')
I seem to be one of the few people who just hasn't enjoyed college, which doesn't help my other insecurities. I'm horribly shy, which is something I've never been able to get over. Its hard enough for me to b close to girls, and boys totally blow me off unless its a drunken hook-up; this has brought on another set of problems.
I hate being alone, but its often preferable than hanging out with a bunch of people who I know don't like me. Whether my situation is similar to yours or not, and whether this information will help you or not, I'm not quite sure. I'm one of the few people who, when asked how college was, fakes a smile and says "Great!"
My mother is dead-set against being on medication, since she thinks its just a quick fix to a serious problem. On one hand I agree, but on the other...What is the way I see and things really isn't due to bad luck or shyness, but some sort of chemical imbalance? I don't know. I'll try the counseling for awhile and see how that works. Going to a psychologist makes me feel like a freak.
Phobia of the Day: Gerontophobia- Fear of old people or of growing old
Till my next ramble
Artist
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