F Off... in Fresh Start...

F was kinda talking to me again… yesterday afternoon I was talking to him about maybe coming over last night and drinking with me. I didn’t figure he’d agree. And the night was all super fucked up because I got home at like 8pm to no electricity. It didn’t come on til 2am, then went back out this morning at 930am and was out til like 1pm. It was entirely fucked and prevented me from getting a lot of cleaning done, but anyways… He never responded to my text this morning and he was responding later than usual last night so I had already assumed he was out. He finally texts me back at like 6pm today saying he’s hungover and tired. I said “That figures. Fuck it.” Followed up with “I’ll bring you your stuff on Tuesday.” Yeah, he told me if anything he might stop by this bar he likes and grab a beer. Nope, he went out with M and M’s cunt gf (who he’s fb friends with btw) and got completely trashed and stayed out all night. I then also unfriended M on fb.

I need to be done with this and done with him. It is killing me. I am stupidly in love with him but he just has no feelings. And I feel just never good enough, too fat, etc. I spent a lot of time this morning thinking about how I just don’t want to exist anymore. I don’t actually have the nerve to do anything though… maybe I could pay someone?