Empty Serenity in 2017

Apparently there are rumors that Open Diary is coming back. Where are these rumors coming from? I have searched and found nothing about it. Seems I’m not in the know.

Even if it did come back, what would it change? It would die a slow death at best. Blogging sites aren’t popular like they were 15 years ago. People just use Facebook and Instagram to archive things. I, too, have pangs of nostalgia for OD and TOD. I also have fond memories of AOL messenger and forums, but those are also outdated.

Your memories and nostalgia are for you. That’s it. If some company thinks they can make money off of it by bringing it back, they will. There’s no money in reviving OD. Those memories are for you. You lived it, you know it happened. I remember in 2004, all of my two years of entries on OD got erased. It sucked, but I still have the memories of that, just like everything that came later. And what came later with OD? Most of us abandoned it for various reasons, only to care about it again when it was going away.

I went down to Medford for a week to go to a wedding and hang out with people. It was fun, if unspectacular. Exactly what I expected. I push myself to visit often and keep threads of friendship alive, but I am slowly growing tired of it. Maybe instead of every month, I’ll go back to visiting once every two or three months. I was fine taking the week off, but I could have been making money that whole time instead of only spending it.

I had planned to go up to Eugene to go see the eclipse with friends. I decided to stay in Medford instead, it seemed foolish to drive up three hours, then three hours back down here, just to drive five hours back to Portland a couple days later. So instead, I was at my friend’s place, by myself(as he went up to Eugene), watching what I could see of the eclipse amongst the smoky skies of Medford. There are a shitton of forest fires going on, and the smoke gets trapped in the valley, so it looks a little intense and creepy. Anyway, it was disappointing. I wasn’t in the totality, but still. In some ways, it was fitting. Here’s this theoretically once in a lifetime event, where you’ll always remember who you were with and what you were doing, and I was alone. Very fitting.

It’s been three years since I moved up here. The connections I’ve held elsewhere, and even some here, continue to fray. I don’t feel any closer to accomplishing my goals. In fact, I feel further away. A crippling sense of apathy seems to have overcome me. I don’t get angry, or disappointed, or hopeful anymore. Things are what they are. Everything ends at some point, good or bad. That’s all. That’s all I think about things, and then I move on. It’s an empty sort of serenity. There is peace, but only on a superficial level.

I’m not hurt. I’m not looking forward to anything at the moment. It would be nice if I was. Either of those. The last time I really got my shit together was when I was hurting. My wounds have healed, nurtured in a cocoon of stasis. However, there’s nothing to get me to leave it. Maybe I need to be hurt, but there’s no one to hurt. No betrayals to be had. I’m on my own. Even if something bad doesn’t happen, oh well. I can grow more feelings. We all can.

Last updated September 02, 2017